


Figure It Out As We Go

by broodywolf



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan - Freeform, F/M, Merrill/Isabela - Freeform, Zevran Arainai/Female Mahariel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-14 15:11:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 39,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4569207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broodywolf/pseuds/broodywolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marian Hawke doesn't have a clue what she's doing, but that's probably what being in college is all about. She meets a guy with amazing white ink tattoos- well, doesn't meet so much as wake up hungover in bed next to... Oh, hell, they'll figure it out as they go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Morning After

The world was spinning. _Why_ was the world spinning? Ugh. Marian cracked one eye open, but immediately thought better of it and shut it forcefully, wincing at the bright light. Definitely morning, then, though she hadn't the faintest idea what time it was, only that it felt much too early for her to be alive. Her brain was more than a bit foggy with the aftereffects of the alcohol she'd consumed last night, and ached like somebody had taken a sledgehammer to it. And did she mention the _spinning_?

She hadn't opened her eyes long enough to see much of anything other than the persistent sunlight beating in through the window, but… this was not her bed. It was _a_ bed, she was relatively certain of that, but the feel of it was... off. It was much too magnificent to be her crappy dorm bed. She kind of wished her head wasn't at that moment threatening to secede from the rest of her body, because it really stopped her from being able to properly appreciate this fucking masterpiece of a bed. 

She attempted to take stock of her surroundings without risking opening her eyes again. With one hand, she felt around her, prodding at the bedding in the vague hope of discerning some useful information. The bed was more plush than hers, with a squashy comforter as opposed to the soft cotton blanket she preferred, and smooth sheets that felt amazing against her skin. And her pillow was… moving? Or maybe that was just the blasted merry-go-round in her head talking. No, it was definitely moving, and, come to think of it, incredibly warm. 

She froze. Okay, so that was definitely a person. Her head rested so comfortably in the slight dip beneath his shoulder that she hadn't even registered the slight rise and fall of his chest. Alright. She was in a bed, though she did not know whose, with a guy who… was as of yet also unidentified. _Stay calm, Marian. Let's just figure out who he is_. Last night was admittedly a little fuzzy, it was probably just Anders or somebody and they'd fallen asleep on each other after having a few too many. Weirder things had happened, after all. She cautiously cracked her eyes open, and- okay, that was _definitely_ not Anders.

 Warm, brown skin formed a captivating contrast with the swirling white tattoos that accentuated the lean muscles of her mysterious pillow's chest and abs. Careful not to move too much lest she wake him, Marian craned her neck slightly to get a look at his face. _Oh fuck, he's gorgeous_. White hair fell gracefully over his angular features. The tattoos continued all the way up his neck, two lines curling over his chin and coming to an end beneath his lips. She probably would have been really turned on, if not for the raging headache. 

  _Wait_ , she thought, mind suddenly backtracking several steps, _he is not wearing a shirt_. _Am_ I _wearing a shirt?_ Okay, so she did have a shirt on but... She was in a mysterious bed with a gorgeous man she did not know who _was not wearing a shirt_ , and only a few spotty memories of what had happened last night. Well... shit. Slowly, she lifted her corner of the fluffy comforter to peek underneath it… oh, _thank god_ , they were both fully clothed. She let out a sigh of relief. Nothing had happened. She may have made some questionable decisions to get into this situation, but at least she didn't have to add _that_ one to the list.

In that case, she decided, the mystery of who her beautiful sleeping companion was and how they had ended up here could be relegated to the category of things to deal with once she had slept more and her head wasn't trying to split open at the seams. She settled back into the cozy bedding, repositioning her head on mystery guy's shoulder. She wiggled slightly, feeling like a cat curling up contentedly for a nap. His arm curled around her waist and tightened around her. Shit. Had her movement woken him up? She froze, glancing nervously at his face, but his eyes remained closed, his breathing even. Letting out a sigh of relief, Marian allowed her eyes to fall shut. The feeling of a body next to hers, a warm arm wrapped around her, was foreign, but this was… _nice_. She felt considerably more comfortable here, nestled in bed with this guy she didn’t even know, than she probably should. _I could really get used to this_ , she decided as sleep washed over her once more.

 When she awoke again at what felt like a much more reasonable hour, she was sprawled across an otherwise empty bed.


	2. Morning After, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marian deals with the rest of the morning. (Also, have some Zevran, Bela, and Merrill.)

Marian sat up, looking around the unfamiliar room. There was no sign of her mysterious sleeping companion. She should probably be grateful at being spared what would have been an incredibly awkward scene, and yet… oh, well. There was no use dwelling over it. She shook the strange longing away and swung her legs off the bed to stand up gingerly. Her head was no longer pounding quite so badly, but now her stomach was protesting. _Ugh_. Why did she think drinking was a good idea, again? She ambled out of the room in search of some water.

Now that she was a little more rested, bits of last night were coming back. Isabela had invited her to this party that she and her roommates were throwing, insisting that they start off the new semester with a bang. Isabela had of course accompanied this statement with a crude gesture and waggling eyebrows. She seemed to have made it her personal mission to get Marian laid, despite numerous protests on Marian's part. The bed she'd been in must belong to one of Bela's roommates, then. She had heard her talk about them, but couldn't actually remember if she had met them last night.

She descended the stairs into the completely trashed living area. Stacks and disorganized piles of red solo cups and beer bottles lined every perceivable surface, and Marian's bare feet stuck to the linoleum tiles as she walked. Ew. She really didn't want to think about that too much. She could see the kitchen from here though, and she made a beeline for the sink, choosing a relatively clean looking cup to fill with water. She drank it slightly more quickly than was perhaps wise, given the state of her stomach, but she was parched and her mouth tasted like something had died in it.

"Good morning," a voice purred behind her.

She spun around, sloshing water onto the floor in the process. A man was leaning casually against the opposite counter, sipping coffee and clad only in a small pair of dark red boxers that left little to the imagination. The deep red of the boxers was enticing against his dark bronze complexion, and long golden hair draped loose over his toned shoulders. He was, in short, the very image of sex, and if the smirk on his face was anything to go by, he _knew_ it. As it was, Marian could only be slightly disappointed that he wasn't the unidentified tattooed man she'd slept on last night.

"Sooo," the man went on, smirk growing, "how was it?" And of course he would have an accent like _that_. Figures. But wait, what was he even talking about?

"Sorry, what?" Marian asked, lifting an eyebrow at him. She took another sip of her water.

"Oh, come now. You can tell me. It _was_ my bed you used, after all."

Marian choked slightly, swallowing her water in an awkward gulp to keep from spitting it out as she realized his implication.

"No, no no, nothing happened, I promise! I'm so sorry, we just fell asleep, I don't even know who he was… Speaking of which, who are you?"

"Ah, forgive my rudeness. I am Zevran Arainai," he said, placing his coffee safely on the counter before flourishing with one hand as he dropped into a dramatic bow. "And I do not mind at all, though I must admit I am a bit disappointed to hear that you did not make better use of my marvelous bed." He grinned salaciously. "And _you_ are darling Isabela's friend, yes?"

"Uh, yes, that's me. Actually, have you seen her?"

Marian's question turned out to be unnecessary, as Isabela sauntered down the steps that very moment, wearing only her lacy black panties and a buttoned shirt that definitely was not her own.

"Morning, sweetheart. Have fun last night?" Bela grinned at her.

Though it would do nothing to help her headache, Marian was sorely tempted to find a wall to bang her head against.

"For the last time, nothing happened! I don't even know who he was!"

"Really? You two looked friendly enough last night," said Isabela with a suggestive quirk of her eyebrow. She hopped up to sit on the counter beside Zevran, stealing a sip of coffee out of his mug while he wasn't looking.

Marian cringed, and a slight heat in her cheeks told her she was probably blushing furiously. She hated that she couldn't remember. It wasn't like her to get that drunk, and the accompanying gaps in her memory, the loss of control they implied, set something like panic creeping up through her chest.

"What did I do, Isabela?" she said, scrunching her eyes closed as if to brace for some sort of impact.

"I wouldn't know. All I saw was you getting… _very_ well acquainted with Mr. Sexy Tattoos, and then the pair of you disappeared upstairs. Lucky for you, I was kind enough to let Zev and Lyna sleep with me."

"I believe we repaid you _rather_ generously for that kindness, no?" Zevran interrupted. Isabela only smirked at him.

"Okay, um. I am going to drink… _oh_ so much water, and then I am going back to my dorm and we are never speaking of this again. Sound good? Yes? Okay."

"Aw, sweetie. Not a chance." Isabela smiled wickedly at her. Marian groaned, and sipped at her water dejectedly.

The walk back to the dorm was uneventful, though the sun was much too bright and Marian felt slightly self-conscious in last night's clothes. Not that her black skirt and loose top were all that outrageous, but still. She was very glad to get back to the dorm, with the less piercing light and the modicum of privacy that it offered. She was even more glad to reach the little haven that was her own dorm room. Home sweet home.

 "Oh, hello!" Merrill looked up from her knitting as Marian entered their room. "How was the party?"

Marian crossed the room and flopped face first onto her bed, her frustrated scream muffled into her pillow.

"Oh… that bad, was it?"

 Marian pushed herself upright, sitting cross-legged on the bed to face Merrill. She explained quickly about tattoo guy, and Isabela's teasing.

"It's just my luck too, I mean, here I meet this absolutely gorgeous guy and apparently make out with him and I can't even remember it. Ugh, I am never drinking again."

"I'm sorry, Marian. Want some chocolate?" Merrill hopped up without waiting for a response, fetching a bar of chocolate from one of her drawers and offering it to her. Marian took it, giving Merrill a slight smile. She didn't even particularly want chocolate right now, but she appreciated the thought so much that she couldn't bring herself to refuse it. She snapped a piece off of the bar and popped it in her mouth, letting it melt slowly on her tongue.

"It's not so bad though, is it?" Merrill said, picking her knitting up again as she sat back down on her bed. "I mean, we'll just have to find him!" She grinned, obviously thrilled with this plan.

"Merrill, I don't even know him. We got drunk and fell asleep on top of each other, it's no big deal." Marian looked down at her hands where they rested over her crossed legs.

"But you want to find him, don't you?" Merrill asked, her voice gentle and slightly wistful.

"Yes. Oh my god, this is going to sound so stupid, I don't even know his name, I've never so much as had a conversation with him that I remember, but… I felt safe." Marian paused, slightly mortified even though the words rang with truth as she spoke them. "Okay that sounds even more ridiculous when I say it out loud, I mean I just fell asleep on the guy for crying out loud, it's not like we're going to fall in love or something I mean stuff like that just doesn't happen, and now I'm babbling I really need to shut up." See, this was why she shouldn't drink. Even the next day she couldn't be trusted not to make a total ass of herself.

Merrill was looking at her with big eyes, a tiny smile on her face. "It's so _romantic_!" she said.

"Merrill! We literally got drunk and passed out together on someone else's bed. Nothing about this is romantic! He probably wouldn't even want to see me again." This didn't wipe that little smile off Merrill's face though. Marian flopped backwards onto the bed with a groan. As much as she would have liked to bury herself in the bed and never get up again, she really needed to shower. It simply wasn't possible to go to a party like that and _not_ come back gross. So she reluctantly peeled herself off the bed and gathered up her towel and shower basket.

"Okay, I'm gonna go shower. If I'm not back in the next hour send help, I may have drowned."

"Oh very funny, Marian."

Marian gave a tired smirk and backed out of the room.

The shower was nothing short of bliss, as tired and hungover as she was. She lingered longer than necessary, letting the steaming water sluice over her body. She leaned her head against the cool tiles while the water ran down her back. She couldn't quite keep her thoughts from wandering to the guy from the night before…. Was it totally weird that she was actually upset about this? That part of her actually wanted to let Merrill help her find the guy? Yeah, that was probably weird. She should probably just pretend it never happened. Why did that seem so hard?

She peeled her head of the tiles, shaking the thoughts away to finish rinsing off. Reluctantly, she turned the knob to cut the water off. Fresh and clean with all the party grime washed away, she felt much more herself. She shook the water from her short hair and wrapped the towel around herself to head back to the room.

Merrill was still knitting when she returned. Marian couldn't tell quite what it was she was knitting yet, but it was yellow and cheery looking. Fitting.

"Oh, Merrill, I just remembered- there's a cookout or something going on on the quad. I think Bela and Anders are planning to go. There's free food, you in?"

"Ooh, yes. I was just wondering what to eat."

As Merrill jumped up to get ready, Marian got dressed in some shorts and a tank. She decided to also throw on her favorite vest and spend at least a little time on makeup so she would maybe look a little better than she felt. And as she went about this routine, she definitely did not have to quash down niggling hopeful thoughts that the guy would be at the cookout. Nope. Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Next time: the cookout! Definitely expect some Anders and Bela, also probably Fenris will make another appearance soon. We shall see. 
> 
> If you want to talk about what happens next (I have the fic outlined, but I'm open to additional suggestions), come find me on tumblr: broodywolf.tumblr.com :)


	3. The Cookout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the ever so creative chapter title suggests: the cookout! Or, Marian's friends are idiots and she tries to drown herself in a checkered picnic blanket. It doesn't work very well.

"How about that one?"

"Hmm?"

"Sunflower dress and gladiator sandals, over there. Gorgeous hair."

"Mmm, yes, she looks nice. Oh, how about him? Blue shirt."

"Definitely. Those arms…"

"Do you guys really have to do this?" Marian demanded as she walked up to the blanket where Isabela and Anders were stretched out, watching the people passing by them.

"It's a time honored tradition! We have to survey the new prospects." Isabela grinned, patting an empty spot next to her on the blanket. Marian obliged her and plopped down to sit cross-legged. Merrill sat down gently next to her, running a hand over the slightly scratchy wool blanket.

"You and Anders doing this two years in a row does not a tradition make."

"Sure it does! Come on, Marian, we'll find you someone too." His tone was light, but Anders gave her a kind smile. Marian rolled her eyes, but smirked back at him and made a show of leaning back on her hands so she had a good view of the passersby.

"Didn't you hear, Andy? She's already found someone, haven't you kitten?" Isabela's grin was downright evil as she turned towards Marian.

"Isabela! We are not talking about this, remember?" Marian snapped, glaring a warning at her horrible gossip of a friend.

"Talking about what, Marian? Did you meet someone?" Anders asked. The genuine, good-natured interest in his voice was almost worse than Isabela's teasing. She groaned, leaning forward until her face was buried in the checkered blanket. Maybe if she stayed like this the blanket would just swallow her up. At least drowning in a damned picnic blanket was a better way to go than dying of sheer mortification.

"Ooh, please Marian, you should tell him. He can help!" Merrill piped in, painfully earnest.

Resigned to her fate, Marian peeled herself back off the blanket, scowling heavily at all of them.

"It's nothing, really, there was a guy at the party last night and we sort of, uh… fell asleep together, apparently. Just sleep. That’s it. He was gone by the time I woke up properly."

"You're skipping the bit where the two of you were getting hot and heavy in the middle of the party last night. I think even Zev might have blushed." Isabela stated matter-of-factly, raising an eyebrow at her.

"What? You didn't, Marian!" Anders gaped, but then an odd little half-smile crossed his features as he studied her. "I'm strangely proud right now," he said.

"Ugh, not you too! This is not a good thing, we literally got drunk and fell asleep all over each other. I really don't think he would even want to see me ever again. Okay then, moving on, new topic of conversation! How about that guy over there with the curly hair?"

"Hm, no, too straight-laced. And don't think we're done with this conversation," Isabela said.

"Yes, we are. Anyways, I'm gonna go get ice cream. Anyone?"

"Ooh, I'll come!" Merrill jumped up, brushing off her skirt. Merrill left her sandals behind on the blanket, and Marian decided to follow suit, savoring the sensation of the soft grass on her feet.

"It's a lovely day, isn't it?" Merrill smiled at her. _Subtle, Merrill_ , Marian thought, but appreciated her friend's relentless cheerfulness all the same.

"It is, isn't it? Even better with some ice cream though," she said as they joined the line extending from the ice cream cart. Ben and Jerry's, she noticed. _Nice_.

"Oh, I hope they have strawberry cheesecake. That's my favorite!" Merrill exclaimed.

They stood in silence for a while, stepping forward occasionally as the line advanced. Well, silence was a relative term. The ice cream was located a little too close to the massive speakers blasting some awful pop song at an unreasonable volume. And her headache had finally started to go away. Damn. The sooner they could get away from that, the better. Any good the relaxing shower had done for her hangover was quickly being undone by the noise.

Marian looked around, trying to distract herself from the terrible music assaulting her eardrums. The quad was packed, everyone having been lured out by the nice weather and the promise of free food. Mostly the free food, probably. A few people had started up a game of frisbee on the far end of the quad where there was more open space. Mostly the grass was covered by blankets and various groups of people, some forming lines where the grills and other food were set up. Marian recognized a few familiar faces in the crowd, and-

_Shit_. Shit shit shit. A shock of white hair across the quad, quickly passing behind a circle of people- she was imagining that, right? No, he emerged again from the crowd a moment later, striding across the quad at a brisk pace. Marian's stomach did an odd little backflip. There he was. When he'd vanished the second time she woke up this morning, some part of her had begun to think that she'd imagined him. Last night was fuzzy to begin with, and when he was just gone… But he was here, marching across the quad with a little scowl on his face that she really shouldn't have found adorable. _Get it together, Marian_. But he was wearing black skinny jeans, and his dark grey top draped deliciously over the lean, corded muscle of his shoulders and chest.... He was gorgeous, and she was so _fucked_.

"Are you alright, Marian?"

Marian's head whipped back towards Merrill, who was regarding her with a slight furrow in her brow.

"Wha? Yeah, fine."

She looked back across the quad, but he was nowhere in sight. If it were anyone else, she'd think maybe they were just lost in the crowd momentarily, but that white hair was hard to miss. Her heart sank slightly, though she told herself it was dumb to be so disappointed. What was she going to do, run across the quad after him?

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing! Nothing, just… looking," she said, perhaps just a hair too quickly.

Merrill gasped slightly. "Did you see him? You did, didn't you? Come on, we have to go after him!"

Merrill leapt into action and immediately started pulling her by the arm, though she was going in the wrong direction. Marian immediately planted her feet, making the smaller girl's efforts completely futile.

"He's already gone, Merrill. Besides, we talked about this already, we are _not_ trying to find him."

Merrill pouted slightly, but nodded at her.

"Alright. I still think we should, though," Merrill said, and shot her an almost worried glance.

They had reached the front of the line then, so they collected their ice cream and headed back to Anders and Isabela. Marian paused before they got back within earshot, grabbing Merrill's skinny forearm to get her attention.

"Don't tell Isabela I saw him, okay? I don't want to encourage her, either."

"Our little secret, I promise," Merrill said, crossing her heart with one finger.

They sat back down on the blanket, happily eating their ice cream as Isabela and Anders continued to discuss the aesthetic pros and cons of various people walking by. After she finished eating, Marian lay back on the blanket, throwing an arm over her eyes to block out the bright light. The sun suffused her with the haze of pleasant heat while the soft breeze brushed delicately over her skin. The contrasting sensations soothed her, even dulling her persistent headache, and she found herself drifting slightly to the sounds of her friends' carefree banter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fenris will be back properly in the next chapter, I promise! Thanks for reading!
> 
> I welcome any and all suggestions for things you guys would like to see happen! I have the basic outline done, but filler is always good! Comment or come find me at broodywolf.tumblr.com :)


	4. Let's Break the Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Icebreakers are the absolute worst, Marian thinks, except when they somehow aren't. 
> 
> Sorry for the terrible chapter title, I really don't know why I decided naming chapters was a good idea.

"Ooh, Marian! We have to go!"

Marian blinked slowly, brain foggy with sleep and the pleasant warmth of the sun. "Hm?"

"Our hall meeting! It's in ten minutes!" Merrill said, jumping up of the blanket and hopping on one foot unsteadily while she fastened her sandal.

"D'we have to?" Marian said, sitting up and rubbing at her eyes.

"Yes, we have to, it's mandatory, remember?"

"Alright, alright. Calm down. Getting my shoes."

They said their goodbyes to Isabela and Anders, and Merrill rushed off, Marian trailing behind.

To Merrill's obvious relief, they managed to arrive just on time. They were very nearly late though, so most of the dorm was already assembled in the lounge when they came in. They slipped through the crowd and found a spot to sit down on the floor. A rather buff redhead stood up towards the front of the room, immediately commanding attention.

"Alright everyone, thanks for coming. I'm Aveline, and if you're on the third or fourth floor, I'll be your RA this year. This is Cullen," she gestured towards the guy standing next to her—ha, it was the curly-haired guy from earlier that Isabela had declared too straight-laced— "and if you're on the first or second floor, he's your RA. Cullen?"

"Okay, business first," Cullen said, smiling as though in apology. It was like they were trying to play good cop bad cop or something. "We have to go over a few rules with you guys. First off, no alcohol if you're under 21. I know, I know, but I have to say it. We see it, we have to report you. Let's not go there. Second, we'll be passing out some roommate contracts to you, so please fill those out and put them in the folder by your RA's door by the end of the week. Also, you're allowed visitors, but they have to be with you at all times. Make sure you're not letting anybody you don't know into the building. That everything, Aveline?"

"I think that covers it, but let me just say that I do not want to deal with having to report any of you, but I will. So please take the rules seriously. Okay, now we're just going to do a quick icebreaker activity so you can all start getting to know each other. We're passing out slips of paper with various animals on them. Your goal is to find the other person who has the same animal as you, then you're going to find out their name, year, major, and one random fact about them. Okay, go!"

As the stack went around, Marian received a bit of paper with a bunny on it. _Oookay, then_. She got up and began circling the room, checking other people's slips of paper.

"Anyone with a bunny? Bunny rabbit? Anyone? No?" She called as she circled the room, quickly beginning to get frustrated with the 'game'.

"I've got one," said a deep, gravelly voice behind her. Damn, whoever her partner was, his voice was _hot._

She turned around, and immediately froze. It was him, and a tentative almost-smile was sliding rapidly off his face as he apparently recognized her. _Fuck_. This was some sort of cosmic prank, right? How was this her luck? Things like this just didn't _happen_ … And she was gaping. She was totally gaping at him, damn, this was going to be so awkward. She carefully collected her face into what was hopefully a polite smile, trying to salvage anything she could out of this situation.

"Um, hi. I'm Marian. This… is awkward." _Might as well say it like it is,_ she thought.

He chuckled. He actually chuckled. _Oh thank god._

"Fenris. Soo… What year are you, then?" Cutting straight to the chase. That was probably good.

"Junior. You?"

"I just transferred, so I'm technically a sophomore although I already did two years at… at my old school." He turns his head away slightly as he speaks. Was he embarrassed? It was pretty normal to lose a year when you transferred, Marian thought, but who knows.

"Oh. That sucks."

"Hmm." _That voice_. Damn, he could 'hmm' her panties right off… _shit, can he tell I'm having a fantasy about his voice right now? He can probably tell. Oh god. Please just be normal Marian._

"Your major?" he asked. Right. Normal. She could do this.

"Physics."

"Physics?" His eyebrows shot up towards his hairline. Wow, he had… really expressive eyebrows. Marian found it kind of endearing.

"Hm, yeah. I apparently have a bit of a self-destructive streak, what can I say. Oh, and mustn't forget the healthy dose of masochism. Prerequisites for being a physics major, you know."

"No, it's… impressive, that's all," he said, voice utterly sincere and… was he smiling at her? Oh god, he was smiling at her. _You're gaping again, Marian, SNAP OUT OF IT._

"Um, thanks. Yeah… so… oh right, your major?"

"Art history."

"Oh, wow. Hello then pot, I'm kettle. Art history's not exactly a cakewalk."

"Hmm. No, I suppose not. I enjoy it, though," he said, smiling again. Marian thought she might melt.

"Right, so just random facts left. Um…." She brought her hand to her chin, racking her brain for a fact about herself that was sufficiently random but wouldn't be totally embarrassing. It couldn't be too cool though, she didn't want to seem like she was trying too hard to impress him. She was probably way overthinking this, but she couldn't exactly help it when he was looking at her from beneath those perfect eyebrows and damn, had his eyes been that green this whole time?

_Snap out of it, Marian. Again. Ugh, I'm terrible. I should just be locked in my room and never allowed to socialize ever again._

"I hate things like this, I can never think of something. That's not my fact, just… saying. I'm bad at this. And I'm rambling, so maybe you should go first?"

"I'm a brown belt in Kajukenbo," he said, voice nonchalant, though a hint of a proud smirk played at his features.

"Wow. I don't actually even know what that is, but I'm assuming it's impressive. It sounds pretty badass, anyway. Now anything I come up with is going to be totally uncool in comparison, thanks," she joked lamely. It teased another small chuckle out of him, though, so, worth it.

"My apologies. And it's a combination of karate, judo, jujitsu, Kenpo and Chinese and American boxing."

Marian let out a low whistle.

"Wow. Yes, definitely impressive then. Sounds awesome. Ummm… I… am a totally boring person apparently, and nothing about me is remotely interesting. Just kidding… sort of. Alright, um, one time in elementary school we had to do a project about what we wanted to be when we grew up. So of course you got the typical ballerinas, firemen, doctors, you name it. I, however, did a magnificent, rather elaborate poster about how I was going to grow up to be a dragon. Illustrated and everything, with loads of cool dragon facts. I got a C for failing to understand the assignment."

He laughed. No small chuckle, this was all-out, utterly hysterical laughter and Marian couldn't help but join in. His laugh was wonderful, warm and rich and she immediately made it her new goal in life to coax it out of him as often as possible.

"That's brilliant," he said as he recovered slightly from the sudden fit of laughter.

"I'm glad you think so. My teacher sure didn't."

"Your teacher should lighten up. I think you'd make an excellent dragon," he said with somewhat feigned earnestness, though the tilt of his mouth told her he was fighting to hold back another laugh.

"Why thank you, sir. That’s the best compliment I've gotten all week."

She smiled at him, and it was quiet for a moment, though he was still stifling small snorts of amusement.

Then Aveline yelled, "Alright everyone! Let's all sit back down and you guys can introduce each other. We'll start on this side," she said, gesturing to her right, "and make our way around the room."

The various sets of partners introduced each other one by one, with varying levels of awkwardness. Eventually it came to be Marian and Fenris's turn.

"Okay, um, hi everyone. This is Fenris," she motioned with her hand to indicate him, "and he's, um," _utterly gorgeous,_ her brain unhelpfully supplied. "He's a sophomore art history major, though he's only a sophomore because he just transferred here. And he's a brown belt in Kajukenbo," she finished, shooting a quick smile in his direction. She noticed a number of pairs of eyebrows lifting around the room, and a few curious murmurs being exchanged.

"This is Marian," Fenris said. Marian suppressed a shiver of arousal at the sound of her name coming out of his mouth. Dear god, she was hopeless. "She's a junior physics major, and," he started laughing again, and Marian looked down, slightly embarrassed now that this was about to be shared with the entire room. "And when she was in elementary school, she was assigned to do a project about what she wanted to be when she grew up and so she made an elaborate poster about how she wanted to grow up to be a dragon." He grinned at her, and somehow the amused giggles passing around the room weren't nearly as mortifying anymore. She smiled back at him, letting out another slight chuckle of her own.

Slowly, the rest of the room was introduced by their respective partners, and then, with a few last reminders, Aveline dismissed them. A few people snatched up their things and practically flew from the room, but many lingered to talk to their friends or new acquaintances.

Marian hovered awkwardly near Fenris, not wanting to just leave without saying goodbye but unsure how to talk to him without the guidance of the clumsy icebreaker Aveline had come up with.

"Um, it was nice to meet you. Well, properly. You know," she sputtered, fiddling with the strap on her bag slightly as she spoke.

"Yes. You too, I mean. I hope we will speak again," he said, with a slight nod of his head almost like a bow, and even when he was awkward he was eloquent, how did he do that?

Marian smiled, and turned to walk towards the stairs up to her floor. _Well, that… could have gone a whole lot worse_ , she thought. She had been completely sure when she saw that he was her partner for the dumb icebreaker that it would be a totally dreadful, mortifying experience. She'd been assuming that he'd left the night before because he was embarrassed or something, and that he wouldn't want to see her again…. But they'd had an altogether pleasant conversation, if a bit tinted by awkwardness. _He hopes we'll speak again_ , she thought with a slight giggle at his overly formal words, a pleasant sort of nervousness fluttering up through her chest.

A small person-shaped projectile collided with her then, sending her flying over the back of one of the sofas to land awkwardly on the cushions, legs still flung over the top of the sofa and head hanging off, dangerously close to the floor.

"Marian!!!" Merrill practically shrieked, extricating herself from where her limbs had tangled with Marian's as they tumbled over the sofa before she began to talk rapidly, her words almost tripping over each other in her excitement.

"You were talking to him! Was that him? I saw you blushing, I know it was! It _was_ him, wasn't it?"

" _Ow_ , Merrill! Yes that was him, you didn't have to tackle me over a sofa!" Marian said.

"Ooooh, Marian, he's so handsome! And you were talking to him! I said that. But you were, and you were both smiling, and laughing, see I was right wasn't I? I knew I had to be." Merrill beamed at her.

Marian tried very hard to continue being irritated with Merrill for the whole tackling thing, but Merrill's grin was infectious and she was practically radiating an aura of bubbling enthusiasm that Marian could only resist for so long.

"Yes, Merrill, you were right," Marian said with a sheepish grin, raising herself up on her arms to start getting off the sofa.

Merrill's already massive grin amplified tenfold. "Yay!" She cried, and threw herself onto Marian again.

She collided with the cushions once more with a slight huff of exhaled breath, as Merrill hugged her tightly. Marian couldn't even find it in her to be annoyed this time, so she wrapped her arms around her tiny friend and smiled to herself. Today wasn't so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fenris is back! I couldn't leave you guys waiting for too long. :D
> 
> Credit to starkmartell on tumblr for the suggestion of Kajukenbo as the form of martial arts Fenris should know in this. It's just not Fenris if he can't kill you with his bare hands, am I right?
> 
> As always, I'm open to suggestions for things you'd like to see in this fic, so comment or come find me on tumblr: broodywolf.tumblr.com :)


	5. Friends, Cheap Beer, and Questionable Furnishings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes out to Bianca's, and Marian's friends try to play matchmaker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME SO LONG TO UPDATE.
> 
> Trespasser happened and I had too many ideas for canon universe fic to work on this AU. I'm back now though hopefully! Thanks for bearing with me :)
> 
> If you have any ideas for what you'd like to see in this fic in the future, or just want to talk about it or anything else, come find me on tumblr! broodywolf.tumblr.com :)

Professors who decided that scheduling a three hour lab period on Friday afternoons was a good idea should die a slow, painful death. Electric shock from their own lab equipment? Bludgeoned to death by a voltmeter? Well, anyways, it was cruel and unusual as far as Marian was concerned.

 

Much to her relief though, today's lab was over and she was free for the weekend. She was stepping out of the imposing brick walls of the physics building, the sun was shining, and just maybe everything would be alright. She wondered idly if she would run into Fenris when she got back to the dorm, though she knew it was unlikely. She hadn't seen him all week, not since the hall meeting on Sunday.

 

Her phone chirped, and she fished it out of the pocket of her bag.

 

Isabela

3:51 pm

Bianca's tonight?

 

Bianca's was their favorite bar. It was a total dive in the best possible way, and the owner and bartender, Varric, was basically a part of their odd little family. Varric was a successful writer, too, but claimed that Bianca’s was his one true love and refused to give it up, even if he more than made a living from his books. Anyways, after the day she'd had, nothing could be better than Bianca's- friends, cheap beer, questionable furnishings and décor? What more could a girl ask for, Marian thought.

 

3:52 pm

Is that even a question?

 

Isabela

3:52 pm

Suppose not. See you later babe.

 

She laughed at the obnoxious kissy emoji Bela had added, and walked the rest of the way back to the dorm with slightly more bounce in her step.

 

She practically skipped into her dorm room, the lovely excitement and sense of freedom that came with the beginning of the weekend neatly washing away the stress of the week.

 

"Merrill! It's Friday!" She stated emphatically as she swept into the room.

 

"Yes, it is!" Merrill responded with equal cheer. She swung a leg over the back of her desk chair, turning around in it so she was facing Marian.

 

"Bianca's?" Marian asked as she tossed her bag down on the bed, walking over to the closet to consider clothing options.

 

"Ooh, yes! Of course!

 

\---

 

Bianca's was crowded and noisy when she and Merrill arrived, as could be expected on a Friday night, but somehow the place always managed to slide in just shy of complete chaos. Marian inhaled deeply, a smile on her face. Stale beer, the lemony spray Varric used to clean the bar, sweat and just a hint of something worse. This place was a bit of a shithole, but it felt like home. After a quick scan she spotted Isabela and Anders sitting towards the end of the bar. Just past them, she realized with a slight blush, was Zevran, a tiny dark-haired girl seated practically in his lap. Well, if nothing else, tonight would certainly be interesting.

 

"Hawke! Get your ass over here!" Varric called, summoning her with a vague jerk of his arm towards the bar. Varric still stubbornly refused to use anything but her surname to address her. It sounded better, apparently. More charismatic or something. Marian wasn’t sure what that mattered, it wasn’t like he was writing the epic story of her life.

 

"Varric! My one and only love!" She cried across the room with a grin.

 

"Yeah, yeah, you're not getting free beer. Nice try," Varric smirked at her. She clutched her heart dramatically.

 

"You wound me, sir."

 

"But you _were_ trying to get me to give you free beer."

 

"Okay, yes, but that doesn't mean you aren't my true love," she grinned winningly at him.

 

"And _you_ are an ass. But you're my favorite ass, so maybe if you're good I'll give you _one_ on the house."

 

"My very best behavior, on my honor. Anyways, two of your finest please," she gestured towards Merrill, who was no longer there. Spinning around, she found that Merrill was standing between Isabela and Anders, the three speaking in hushed tones. Hm. That didn't bode well.

 

"I presume you mean two of my cheapest?" Marian grinned again in assent. "Anyway, how you been, Hawke?" Varric asked as he busied himself pouring the beers.

 

"Ugh, I had a three hour lab this afternoon. Three hours! And I'm meant to sit through that every Friday. It's cruel and unusual punishment."

 

"I'm telling you, you should drop out and open a bar," he said. "It's the way to go."

 

"And abandon Bianca's? Never!"

 

"Aw, Hawke, you flatter me,” Varric said, sliding two beers across the bar.

 

“I try. Anyway, how’re things here?” she asked. She took a sip of her beer, passing the other one to Merrill who was finally returning from her suspicious conversation with Anders and Isabela.

 

“Oh, the usual. I can’t complain,” Varric grinned, leaning against the bar. “But, duty calls,” he said, pushing away in the direction of some other patrons who had been making a rather violent attempt to flag him down. Marian moved down a seat to be next to Bela and Anders.

 

“So Marian,” Isabela started, “Merrill here was just telling us about what happened at your dorm meeting.”

 

“What? No. We are not talking about this!” Marian cried, a blush already betraying her.

 

“We are talking about it, kitten. Admit it, you need our help,” Isabela said, resting a hand on Marian’s arm.

 

“I do not— help doing what?” Marian spluttered.

 

“You like him. You _want_ him, you might as well admit it because we already know. And you need us so that you don’t mess it up. You don’t exactly have the best track record, kitten.”

 

“That was one time, and… God, you guys are the worst! I don’t need help just talking to a guy!” Marian slid off her seat, determined to storm off in a huff, but then something caught her attention and she froze.

 

That shock of white hair. His, definitely. He was standing a little way down the bar, talking to a couple of people.

 

Friends of his? Marian was ready to sit back down, pretend she hadn’t seen so he wouldn’t think she was intruding, but something stopped her. There was a tiny crease to his brow that she didn’t like, and he was pressed against the bar like he was trying to create any distance he could between himself and the two people he was talking to…

 

Marian made up her mind and strode towards him before she could doubt herself.

 

“Fenris! There you are! We’ve been waiting for you!” she shouted as she approached.

 

He nodded slightly, and she thought she saw something like relief flash across his face.

 

She turned towards the people Fenris had been speaking with then. A man and a woman, she observed, neither of them particularly pleasant looking. The woman regarded Marian with an ugly scowl.

 

“Is there a problem here?” Marian asked, keeping a smile on her face and steel in her voice despite the anxiousness she felt.

 

“No. We’re done,” Fenris said, staring at the woman as though daring her to say otherwise.

 

“We were just leaving,” the woman spat, and both walked off towards the door.

 

Fenris relaxed once they were gone, leaning against the bar instead of trying to disappear through it.

 

“You alright?” she asked. She wanted to reach out to rest a hand on his shoulder, but wasn’t sure if they were really doing the touching thing yet so her hand hovered awkwardly halfway between them for a moment before she just let it drop.

 

“I’m… Yes, thank you,” he said, smiling slightly though he still looked somewhat shaken.

 

“Hey, why don’t you come have a drink with us? You look like you could use it, and I promise my friends don’t bite. Well, not much. Well, just watch out for Isabela. The rest of us are harmless,” she grinned.

 

He laughed, actually _laughed_ , and a giddy sort of warmth blossomed in Marian’s chest. _Shit, I am so hopeless_ _,_ she thought.  

 

“I’d like that,” he said, and she beamed at him. “And I’ll remember your warning.”

 

She turned, waving a hand over her shoulder for him to follow as she headed back down the bar. She fixed Isabela with her best please-oh-please-just-behave glare as she approached.

 

“Hey guys,” she said, “This is Fenris. He’s going to join us. Shall we get a booth? Bit more comfortable.”

 

They all agreed, and by some stroke of luck they managed to snag a corner booth with ample room for everyone. Well, there should have been enough room, but Marian could swear her friends had squeezed in tighter than necessary to force her and Fenris closer together. His thigh was pressed against hers under the table, and she was hyperaware of every inch of contact between them. Damn her stupid, interfering, wonderful friends. _Oh god, be cool Marian._

 

Zevran and the girl he was with had joined them too, untangled from each other for now, and Zevran was eyeing her and Fenris in a way that made her very nervous indeed. Just what she needed at the moment.

 

“Since you are both here…” he started, and Marian gulped. She didn’t know Zev that well, but he was very good friends with Isabela and that really was all the information she needed. “I would like to express my great displeasure that you two did not take better advantage of my rather magnificent bed last weekend. It’s not everyone who gets the chance to use it, and you two waste it! For shame, my friends.”

 

Marian choked slightly on her beer and quickly risked a glance at Fenris. His cheeks were perhaps a shade redder than usual. Marian really didn’t know how she was supposed to react in this situation though, and was glad when the dark-haired girl at Zevran’s side spoke up.

 

“ _Our_ bed, I think you mean. I bought you those sheets,” she said, poking him in the arm and raising an eyebrow at him.

 

“Mmm, so you did, mi amor, and they are very fine sheets indeed,” Zevran said to her, with a look in his eyes that said he was very seriously wishing they were _between_ said sheets.

 

“Ah, but where have my manners gone!” Zevran exclaimed suddenly, turning back towards Marian. “This is Lyna,” he said with a gesture towards the dark-haired girl, an utterly besotted expression on his face as the name rolled off his tongue. “Lyna, this is Marian and Fenris. And I believe you have met Anders, yes?”

 

“Yeah, I remember,” Lyna said. “And it’s nice to officially meet you, Marian. Don’t listen to him, by the way, just because he’s an incorrigible lech doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.” She grinned at Zevran.

 

“You love it,” Zevran said, pulling Lyna closer and nipping gently at her ear.

 

She hummed, leaning into him. “You know I do,” she said, and captured his lips once more with her own.

 

Anders groaned. “Not again, you guys! Get a room.”

 

“Shush, don’t listen to them,” Isabela said with a wicked grin, “go right ahead!”

 

Well, this was going beautifully.

 

“Um. I am so sorry about this,” Marian said, leaning in so just Fenris could hear her. “This was a terrible idea, my friends are absurd.”

 

“I do not mind,” Fenris said, a slight chuckle in his voice. “I enjoy your company.”

 

 _He enjoys my company ._ Words escaped her, since her brain had just been transformed into a bunch of dancing exclamation marks, so she just smiled at him and hoped she didn’t look too deranged. Really, really hoped.

 

“I… should thank you. For earlier. That was…” he trailed off, looking down, a heavy furrow in his brow.

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to. I was just glad to help.”

 

Fenris gave her a grateful smile, sending that same giddy warmth shooting through her chest. She smiled back at him, mouth opening to say something, she wasn’t sure exactly what yet, but—

 

“Shots!” Isabela cried enthusiastically, leaping up from the table.

 

“Oh my god, this really was a terrible idea,” Marian groaned, leaning slightly into Fenris’s shoulder and burying her face in one hand.

 

He just laughed, though, and when Isabela returned from the bar with a tray completely laden with shots, Fenris pressed one into Marian’s hand himself.

 

“After you,” he said with a smirk. God, that smirk was going to be trouble for her. She downed the shot, though (Isabela’s favorite again- a deliciously spiced rum, but also a hellishly strong one), and watched Fenris do the same. She coughed slightly and then laughed. The low rumble of Fenris’s laugh soon joined hers.

 

A couple of shots and another beer later, the nerves had worn off somewhat and she found herself relaxing, leaning slightly into Fenris’s side. That certainly had something to do with all the alcohol, but she was also finding that once she got past the nervous jitters, she was very comfortable around Fenris. Just being next to him, watching him interact seamlessly with her friends… oh no, she was getting schmoopy. She couldn’t be schmoopy-drunk right now.

 

Luckily, she was saved by the timely arrival of Varric, who pulled up a chair to sit down with them.

 

“Varric!” she cried, starting to stand up and then thinking better of it, sinking back down into the booth and swaying slightly towards Fenris. “I’ve been good, haven’t I Varric? Where’s my beer? You promised.”

 

Varric laughed. “I think you’ve had enough, Hawke.”

 

She pouted at him, even though he was probably right. She didn't want to make even more of a fool of herself around Fenris.

 

“Don’t you need to be covering the bar?” Isabela asked.

 

“Nah, I got Bull covering for me,” Varric said, gesturing towards the enormous man standing behind the bar, who grinned over at them. “So Hawke, you gonna introduce me?”

 

“Of course! Varric, this is Fenris,” she said, throwing an arm around Fenris’s shoulders, emboldened as she was by the alcohol. “Fenris, this is Varric, my favorite, most chest-hairediest person ever.”

 

“What she means is that I give her free beer sometimes. It’s nice to meet you, Fenris.”

 

Marian hoped she was imagining the slightly _overprotective dad_ -ish look Varric was giving Fenris.

 

“A pleasure,” said Fenris, smiling at him.

 

Isabela quickly engaged Varric in conversation, probably offering more of her _suggestions_ for his books. It didn’t seem to matter how many times they had this discussion. Isabela was nothing if not persistent when it came to smut, apparently.

 

Marian leaned back against the booth, and was suddenly very aware that her arm was still around Fenris. She stretched a bit and settled her arm along the back of the seat instead, to avoid the awkwardness of removing it. To her surprise, he just leaned back so his hair was brushing her arm anyway, his side pressed against her own.

 

“I’m glad my friends didn’t scare you away. This, um… this is nice.” _Well, that was smooth Marian._

 

“They’ll have to try harder if they wish to be rid of me,” he said with a tiny smile.

 

“Hmm, they’d better not.”

 

They lapsed into a comfortable silence then, leaning into each other. Marian was grateful for the steady buzz of inebriation that kept her from freaking out about this level of physical contact.

 

It seemed like hardly any time before Varric was booting them out, sending them on their way so he could close up. They said their goodbyes outside the bar as some prepared to head towards campus and others towards their off-campus houses and apartments.

 

Marian and Fenris peeled off towards campus, but Merrill lingered outside the bar with Isabela and Anders.

 

“You coming, Merrill?” Marian called.

 

“You guys go ahead, I want to talk to Isabela about something,” Merrill said cheerfully. Marian saw straight through the blatant attempt to give her and Fenris the time alone, and shot her a smile.

 

She fell into step with Fenris again, taking a deep breath. The crisp night air was a nice change after the stuffy atmosphere of Bianca’s on a Friday night.

 

“Why Hawke?” Fenris asked suddenly.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Varric calls you Hawke. Not Marian. Why?”

 

“Oh, right. It’s just my last name. Varric thinks it sounds cooler or something.” She shrugged.

 

“Hmm. Hawke. It suits you,” Fenris said with an air of finality, as though it were some important declaration.

 

“You think? It’s more… something. I’m not the hero in one of his books or something, I’m just… Marian.”

 

“You could be,” he murmured, quiet but earnest.

 

“What?”

 

“One of his heroes, I mean,” Fenris clarified.

 

Marian laughed. “I’m no hero. Just me.”

 

“Hm. If you insist. Perhaps in another world, then, you were a hero. A champion among men!” He grinned at her.

 

She couldn’t help it; she burst into hysterical laughter at this prospect. “You’re drunk, Fenris! I’d make a terrible hero. Probably set everything on fire sooner than I’d save anyone.”

 

“Perhaps,” he said quietly.

 

When they got back to the dorm they lingered by the stairs where Marian would head up to her room on the third floor. Fenris, she gathered, was on the first.

 

“Thank you again. For everything. Tonight was very enjoyable,” Fenris said, smiling gently at her.

 

“Anytime, Fenris,” she said, grinning back at him. “I’m glad you stuck around. You should hang out with us more often.” With me, she thought.

 

“I would like that,” he said, a softness in his eyes that made her wonder if he understood the meaning hidden in her words.

 

“Night, Fenris.”

 

“Good night, _Hawke_ _,”_ he said, voice low. He turned down the hall, smirking as he went.

 

She watched him go in a slight daze. She stumbled up the steps and down her hall, finally managing to get into her room and collapse onto the bed, staring at the ceiling.

  
She was so, so fucked.


	6. Morning After Reprise

A soft noise woke her and she opened her eyes, blinking at the darkness. It sounded like someone knocking, but so faintly she couldn’t be sure. Perhaps they were knocking at someone else’s door. It was hard to tell sometimes.

 

No, there it was again, soft but definitely on her door. She sat up, glancing at the clock. 2:38 AM.

 

She shuffled over to the door and opened it to reveal… no one? _Really?_

 

She took a step out into the hallway and nearly tripped over Fenris, who she noticed belatedly was sitting inches outside her door, head between his knees.

 

“Fenris? What are you doing here?”

 

He didn’t answer, his gaze remaining fixed on the floor a few feet in front of him. Marian frowned, starting to reach down to lay a hand on his shoulder before thinking better of it. His knuckles were white where his hand clutched his knee, and his breath was coming a bit too quickly. She walked around him slowly, sitting down on his other side, careful to leave some space between them.

 

“Fenris… are you alright?” she asked, in a much softer voice this time. He still did not speak, but she caught the minute shake of his head. She wanted to reach out for him again, ached to pull him into a hug and tell him everything would be alright, but she wasn’t sure if the contact would be welcome.

 

His breath was still shallow, almost frantic now that she was closer and could hear him.

 

“Breathe, Fenris. Breathe with me, okay?” She inhaled slowly and then breathed out through her mouth. After she did so a couple of times she noticed Fenris following suit. His breath was still shaky but it slowed, falling into a regular rhythm as they breathed in sync.

 

She wasn’t sure how long they sat there, quietly breathing together. Time blurred slightly, that strangely malleable quality it takes on in the wee hours of the morning when one is still awake. Eventually Fenris cleared his throat and turned towards her slightly, eyes still downcast.

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come, I know it’s late. I just… did not know where else to go,” he said, running his hands through his hair.

 

“Don’t, Fenris. You can come anytime,” she reassured him. “Um… do you want to come in? I promise it’s more comfortable than the hallway floor,” she said, flashing him a quick grin. His returning smile was a fragile thing, but he nodded and followed her when she stood and walked back into her room. She skipped the glaring overhead lights and plugged in her paper lantern string lights instead, filling the room with a warm glow.

 

Fenris hovered awkwardly in the center of the room as she jumped onto the bed.

 

“Oh, you can sit! Sorry.” She gestured at the space next to her and he crossed the room slowly, sitting on the edge of the bed about a foot apart from her. His breathing had remained even, but his hands still shook slightly.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” she ventured.

 

“No,” he said, staring at his hands.

 

She turned and regarded him thoughtfully, a grin slowly spreading across her face.

 

“I know exactly what you need,” she stated with a sharp nod of her head.

 

“You… do?” Fenris said, brow furrowing at her enthusiasm. She jumped up and rummaged through a box under her bed until she retrieved her prize. She stood, brandishing it at him with a flourish.

 

“The Lion King?” The skepticism was practically dripping from his voice, but she just nodded earnestly and went to the TV at the foot of her bed to put the movie in.

 

She climbed up the bed behind him, propping up pillows to lean against and stretching out comfortably.

 

He swung his legs up onto the bed and scooted backwards to lean against the pillows next to her. She pressed play, and an uncontrollable smile spread across her face as the familiar music started.

 

“It’s not possible to be unhappy when you’re watching The Lion King,” she whispered. He let out a small huff of almost-laughter. He was still slightly shaky, she could feel it where he was pressed against the pillows next to her.

 

“Can I… would it help if I hugged you?” she asked.

 

"That…” He cleared his throat slightly and gave her a small smile. “That would be nice.”

 

She wrapped one arm around his shoulders, the other curling around his waist. She rested her head on his shoulder, and after a few moments he let out a deep breath and relaxed into her, his head coming to rest on top of hers.  She turned her attention back to the screen, a small smile on her face.

 

“Thank you,” Fenris murmured, just as “Hakuna Matata” was starting.

 

“Of course,” she said. “What are friends for?”

 

They were both quiet for a time, watching Simba turn up his nose at an assortment of bugs that all looked far tastier than bugs had any right to look.

 

“Hey, do you want to go to the beach?” Marian asked.

 

“Right now?”

 

Marian laughed at the utter confusion in his voice.

 

“Yes, right this second!” she exclaimed, still laughing.

 

“Um… what?” Fenris said.

 

“Kidding, sorry, my brain-to-mouth filter goes haywire at this hour. No, we’re planning a camping trip at the beach next weekend. Do you want to come?” she asked, feeling slightly self-conscious now that her brain had caught up with her mouth.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, that sounds fun,” he said, a hint of laughter in his voice at her surprised reaction.

 

“Great. Awesome.”

 

“Awesome,” he echoed, still obviously amused.

 

\---

 

Marian blinked blearily at the sun streaming in her window. Judging by how bright it was, she would definitely have to get up soon to go to class, but her bed was just so warm.

 

Wait.

 

Fenris. They had apparently fallen asleep, and he was still curled around her, an arm wrapped snugly around her waist. His chest was rising and falling evenly. Still asleep. He looked peaceful now, the soft light of the morning sun illuminating his white hair. It looked like he glowed, she realized with a smile.

 

She was so strangely comfortable, wrapped in his arms, it was sorely tempting to let herself fall back asleep and miss her first class. She wasn’t sure when he needed to get to class, though, so she laid a gently hand on his shoulder to rouse him.

 

“Fenris?” she said.

He jerked awake, looking up at her with confusion written on his face. He seemed to register his arm still wrapped around her waist a moment later, because he hastily withdrew it, his cheeks flushing slightly.

 

“Sorry,” he said quickly, his gaze averted.

 

“Hey, don’t apologize,” she said, looking at him with a smile that wasn’t quite innocent.

 

When he met her eyes, he gave her a soft smile in return.

 

“You doing better now?” she asked.

 

He looked slightly confused for a moment before a look of understanding crossed his face and he answered.

 

“Yes. I’m sorry. Last night was-”

 

“Hey, you don’t have to explain anything to me. Not unless you want to. I’m just glad I could help.”

 

“Thank you, Hawke,” he said with a grateful smile. She smirked at his use of the nickname.

 

“We seem to be making a habit of this,” she said, continuing when Fenris gave her a very confused look, “At least it was a familiar bed this time.”

 

Fenris laughed. A bright smile spread across his face, and a fluttery sort of warmth filled Marian’s chest at the gorgeous sight.

 

“I am glad I did not have to leave so early this time,” he said, and his smile wasn’t quite innocent anymore either.

 

Marian’s heart skipped a beat at the information he’d just revealed. He hadn’t wanted to leave?

 

“I’m glad, too,” she said, feeling bold. Their eyes met, and she couldn’t keep the slightly giddy smile from her face.

 

“Good morning!” Merrill said cheerily, breezing in the door. Marian and Fenris both bolted upright in the bed. “Sorry, I spent the night at Isabela’s last night, I hope I didn’t worry you- Oh! Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize- Should I leave?”

 

“No, that’s alright Merrill,” Marian said. "We were just getting up anyway." Marian fixed Merrill with what she hoped was a sufficient “be cool” glare as she spoke. Merrill… sort of got the message. Her eyes were still a little too bright, her grin too enthusiastic. Hopefully Fenris wouldn’t read too much into it.

 

“It’s nice to see you again, Fenris!” Merrill exclaimed. Yeah, definitely too enthusiastic. Oh well.

 

“Um, yes. You too,” Fenris said with a slightly stiff smile.

 

“Well then. I’m just going to go shower, shall I?” Merrill said with a bright grin.

 

“Go right ahead,” Marian choked, not quite sure whether to laugh or cry at this situation. Merrill grabbed her towel and shower basket and left.

 

“Sooo. That happened,” she said, falling back against the pillows.

 

“So it did,” he said with a bemused expression, turning to look back at her.

 

“We should probably get up,” she grumbled.

 

“So we should,” he said, looking at her with a strange softness in his gaze.

 

Neither of them made a move to get up.

 

The door opened, and Merrill came back in.

 

“So sorry, forgot my shampoo!” she said, brandishing the bottle she’d grabbed off the dresser and heading back out.

 

Like some sort of spell had been broken, now they got out of bed without hesitation.  

 

Fenris hovered awkwardly by the foot of the bed.

 

“Oh, by the way, do you still want to go to the beach?” Marian asked.

 

“Yeah, if that’s okay.”

 

“Definitely! I’d- We’d love to have you! The more the merrier!” she said. “Um, we’re planning to leave after class on Friday, so meet downstairs at like four ish?”

 

“Alright. I’ll see you then, Hawke.”

 

She grinned as he backed towards the door. “Sounds great!”

 

She stared at the door for several seconds after he left, a wide grin still on her face.

 

Then she grabbed her towel and shower stuff. She didn’t know if she could contain her excitement until Merrill got done in the shower, and she knew Merrill wouldn’t want to wait to hear her explanation.

Besides, who doesn’t love a little good shower gossip?


	7. Drink up, me hearties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BEACH TRIP, PART ONE.

As usual, Marian’s Friday afternoon lab felt like it would never end. This week it was more than just the usual excitement for the weekend, though. Ever since Fenris agreed to come to the beach with them, the week just hadn’t gone by quickly enough. At long last, though, her professor dismissed them and Marian jumped out of her seat, racing back to the dorm.

Merrill had beaten her back to the room, and was throwing a few last minute items into her backpack. Marian had made sure all of her things were ready in advance, so all she had to do was grab her wallet and keys out of her school bag and she was good to go.

“Ready?” Merrill asked, a bright grin on her face as she swung her backpack up onto one shoulder.

“Yes! Allons-y!” Marian exclaimed, grabbing her own bag and heading for the door.

Fenris was already waiting for them in the lounge downstairs, a duffel in his hand and… was that a guitar slung across his back?

It was.  _ He plays guitar . _ Marian nearly melted at the thought alone, shaking her head quickly to compose herself before Fenris saw them.

He turned towards them, a smile crossing his face as his eyes met hers. Marian grinned.

“You play guitar?”

“Not as often as I’d like to,” he said with a disgruntled look. “I thought this would be a good opportunity.”

“No arguments from me!” Marian said, a fluttery sensation in her chest at the thought of him playing. And singing?  _ Oh god, what if he sings… _

“Are you ready to go, Fenris?” Merrill asked brightly.

“Yes. Thank you again. For inviting me,” he said, with a smile at Marian.

Isabela and Anders were already waiting for them outside in Bela’s blue jeep. Anders, of course, had already claimed shotgun.

“I call a window seat!” Merrill said with what almost passed as an inconspicuous grin, darting around the other side of the jeep to get in.

Marian rolled her eyes at Fenris with an exaggerated sigh. “I guess that leaves me in the middle.”

“I don’t mind-”

“Neither do I,” Marian interrupted before he could finish. “Besides, I’ll be in between two of my favorite people,” she said with a smile.

_ Shit. Too much? Probably too much. Oh god _ _,_ Marian thought as Fenris’s mouth hung slightly open, but her train of thought stopped abruptly as Fenris’s confused expression morphed into a soft smile.

“I’m glad of your company as well, Hawke.”

Her mind blanked, empty of everything save his words and the tenderness in his eyes. She felt like her heart was doing somersaults as she returned his smile.

“Stop making puppy eyes and get in the car already!” Isabela shouted, smirking at them.

To Marian’s relief, Fenris just laughed at this and stepped towards the car to hold the door for her.

\---

“We are not listening to Lady Gaga!” Isabela said, shooting a scandalized look at Anders.

“Why not?” he rebutted.

“Because I said so. My car, my rules.”

“That’s not fair! The rest of us should get a say, too.”

Marian took advantage of their distraction to pluck the ipod from Anders’ fingers.

“Ha! You’re all at my mercy now!” she cried, holding up her prize. A taps of the screen, and her chosen song began playing.

_ When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you… _

Fenris groaned. “Really?” he said with a laugh. “This is what you’re going to choose?”

“What?” Hawke grinned. “This is an excellent song.”

Fenris made a grab for the ipod, but Hawke held it towards Merrill’s side of the car, out of his reach.

“Oh, that’s how it is?” Fenris said, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Bring it on!” Marian replied, laughing as he made another dive for the ipod. “Oh, no you don’t!” she said, and held the ipod back behind Merrill’s headrest to make it harder for him to grab.

Fenris snaked an arm over her shoulders to reach for it, leaning into Marian so she collided with Merrill. She could feel his breath on her neck as he reached, grabbing at her wrist to pull it closer.

“That’s enough!” Isabela said with a mock glare. “Hand it over,” she added, holding out a hand.

Marian and Fenris both froze, but she didn’t move to give the ipod to Isabela. Fenris chuckled into her neck.

“You heard her, Hawke,” he murmured smugly, lips hovering next to her ear.

“Hand it over or I’m not sharing the rum,” Isabela corrected with an evil grin.

“Alright, fine, I’m handing it over!”

She planted the ipod in Isabela’s outstretched hand and she and Fenris both straightened in their seats. His arm, though, remained around her shoulders. When she looked at him he just smiled, meeting her eyes briefly before leaning back against the headrest and gazing nonchalantly out the window.

Marian let herself relax, leaning her head back on his shoulder. His thumb brushed gently against her arm. She made a show of ignoring the pointed look Merrill and Isabela exchanged in the rear-view mirror.

\---

“Last one in’s a rotten egg!” Isabela cackled, dashing from the car and down the beach. She stripped off her clothing as she went, her swimsuit already on underneath.

“That’s not fair, you already have your suit on!” Marian yelled, laughing. She grabbed her own swimsuit and dashed behind a bush. “Nobody look!”

Fenris gaped at her for only a second before whipping his head in the other direction, but Marian didn’t miss the color that flooded his cheeks at her warning. With a quick glance around to make sure they did have the beach to themselves, she stripped off her clothes and pulled on her favorite bright red bikini.

She grabbed her clothes and emerged from her makeshift changing room, and saw Merrill doing the same. Fenris and Anders had apparently opted to just go around the other side of the jeep to change.

“Hey Merrill, will you put sunscreen on my back?” she asked.

Merrill’s eyes were wide, staring a bit slack-jawed at something over Marian’s shoulder. She turned to follow Merrill’s gaze, and…

Fenris was just emerging from the far side of the jeep. He’d changed into a plain black suit. It sat low on his hips as though threatening to fall off, accentuating the lines of muscle and curling tattoos that disappeared under the waistband…

Marian glanced up, worried he’d catch her staring, but instead found his mouth hanging slightly open, his gaze trained definitively south of her face. He blinked and looked up, coughing awkwardly as she smirked at him.

“Ooh, he’s blushing,” Merrill whispered with a giggle, reaching up to take the sunscreen from her.

“COME ON, SLOWPOKES!” Isabela called from the water while they were all still applying sunscreen.

“Patience is a virtue, Isabela!” Anders called back. “Just because some of us don’t want skin cancer, honestly…”

“Do you sunburn much, Fenris?” Merrill asked. “It’s just, you’re much darker than the rest of us, except maybe Isabela, I wouldn’t think you’d need high SPF.”

“Perhaps not, but it does help keep the tattoos from fading. Besides, like Anders said, I can’t say I’m exactly fond of skin cancer.”

Sunscreen finally applied thoroughly, Marian raced for the water, charging into the surf at a run. The splashing and laughter behind her told her that the others had followed suit. She turned to see all three of them dashing after her. When Fenris was waist-deep, he dove headfirst into the waves and disappeared under the water. Marian scanned back and forth, trying to see where he’d come up, but Fenris could apparently hold his breath very well.There was no sight of him in the murky water.

Just when she was about to give up, a hand grabbed her ankle and she shrieked in spite of herself. She tugged her leg away, overbalancing and starting to fall backwards, but strong arms wrapped around her waist, and Fenris pulled her back upright as he stood, shaking water out of his hair.

“Got you,” he said, face just inches from her own. A hint of a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“So you did,” she said breathlessly, and wondered if he knew he’d gotten her by more than just the ankle.

She could feel his breath against her face, coming a bit quickly after how long he’d held it underwater. Her eyes darted down to his lips almost of their own accord, her breath hitching. His hold on her tightened in response, fingers digging into the soft skin of her back as he pulled her closer, lifting her slightly so her eyes were level with his.

Then a spray of water washed over them, and Marian sputtered, turning to see Anders laughing.

“Get a room!” he said.

“Spoilsport!” called Isabela. “Don’t stop on my account darlings,” she added with a devilish grin.

Marian coughed awkwardly as Fenris slowly released her, her toes settling back into the sand.

Another spray of water, and Marian whipped around to find the culprit. This time she saw Merrill laughing and already trying to run away.

“Oh no you don’t!” Marian screamed and lunged after her.

\---

When the sun started going down, they headed back up the beach to set up camp before it got fully dark. They lugged the tents out of the car. Marian and Merrill each had their own two-man tents, and Anders had brought a hammock.

“Are you really going to sleep in that thing?” Isabela asked. “What about bugs?”

“I have a bug net. Besides, sleeping in a hammock is so relaxing,” Anders said, smiling.

“Ooh, I call Isabela as my tentmate!” Merrill declared.

Marian arched an eyebrow at her behind Fenris’s back.  _ Subtle . _

She and Fenris made quick work of their tent, and spread out their sleeping bags inside. There was no room left between them in the small tent They threw the rest of their stuff in before standing back to observe the mess Isabela was making of her and Merrill’s tent.

Once Isabela had managed to detangle herself from the tent poles (and after a brief interlude wherein she tried to wield one as a weapon), they did actually manage to get the tent upright.

Anders, whose hammock hadn’t taken long at all to set up, had taken over getting the food out. Isabela had been very excited about the prospect of cooking things over the fire, and had instated a rule that they would only eat things that could be skewered and roasted over the flames. They’d started with the obvious hot dogs and marshmallows, but Merrill had insisted on bringing some actual vegetables.

Merrill went to help Anders get all the food ready while Marian and Fenris got the fire going. Isabela mostly just provided running commentary (and probably stared at their asses while they were bent over the fire pit).   


“Okay, come stab your dinner everyone!” Anders said, gesturing at the spread of food options.

“Hmm,” Isabela purred, picking up a hot dog. “I love a pierced sausage.” With a wicked grin, she slid the hot dog onto her skewer.

The rest of them followed suit, skewering whatever they wanted (though with much less innuendo) and cooking it over the fire.

“Oh no! I’ve caught mine on fire,” Merrill said, frowning.

“That’s the best part! It’s not camping if your food hasn’t been on fire at some point,” Marian declared.

“Just make sure to put it out before you eat it,” Fenris added.

As soon as they’d all eaten their fill, Isabela procured a bottle seemingly by magic.

“Rum time!” she called delightedly, and poured a generous amount into a cup for each of them.

Once everyone had a cup in hand, Isabela raised hers.

“Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!” she cried.

“You know you’re not  _ actually _ a pirate, Bela,” Anders said.

“As far as you know,” she replied with a wink.

Marian held her cup up to Fenris’s. “Cheers!”

“Cheers, Hawke.”

\---

She only meant to have a few drinks. She really, really did.

Isabela was  _ evil _ , she decided.

\---

Fire was great. They really should make fires more often, Marian thought. She angled her head, staring mesmerized into the flames, and suddenly the world tipped and she found herself on the ground with her head in Fenris’s lap.

“Oops?”

Fenris laughed, but before she could even make an effort at sitting up, his fingers were in her hair, running through the short strands. She hummed and leaned into the touch.

There was a high-pitched squeak across the campfire, and Marian turned to see Merrill with a hand clamped over her mouth, though obviously grinning. She couldn’t help smiling back.

\---

“Time for bed, I think.”

“But fire, Fenris!” Marian said, grinning up at him. But Fenris was already slinging her arm over his shoulders, lifting her effortlessly.

“You’re really strong!” she exclaimed, giggling even though her head swam slightly from being lifted to standing so quickly.

“Brown belt, remember?” Fenris replied, and she could hear the smirk in his tone.

“Smirking,” she mumbled.

“Hm?”

“You’re  _ smirking _ .”

“Am I? I hadn’t noticed.”

She lapsed into silence as they approached their tent and Fenris unzipped the flap with the hand that wasn’t wrapped around her waist.  _ Hmmm, he’s so warm _ , she thought blearily, leaning into him.

Their sleeping bags were laid out side by side waiting for them. Fenris tried to steer her into the tent, but she just stood, staring at the separate bags with a slight pout.

“Oh, for…” Fenris muttered, releasing her and ducking into the tent. He quickly unzipped the sleeping bags, laid them flat one on top of the other, and zipped them together.

“Whoa, you can do that?” she said, a delighted smile crossing her face.

“As you can see, yes. Now would you get in? I don’t want to be responsible if you fall over and hit your head on a rock.”

She was about to protest his lack of faith in her coordination when she tripped on the entrance of the tent and almost fell face-first into the sleeping bags. Fenris, still kneeling in the middle of the tent, managed to catch her before she could do too much damage.

“Point taken,” she said. "I'm falling on you a lot today. It's not on purpose, promise. Y're good at catching, though."  


"One of my many talents," Fenris said. He let go of her to reach for something behind him, a moment later producing a water bottle from his duffel and passing it to her.

“You’re going to want to drink this.”

She rolled her eyes, but accepted the water bottle and drank as much of it as she could manage without feeling like she would burst. She passed it back to him and he raised an eyebrow at the water still inside.

“Any more, ‘n I’m gonna pee on you in the middle of the night. That bottle is  _ huge _ .”

“I suppose I should thank you for that courtesy. Now come on,” he said, pulling back the top of their sleeping bag cocoon. She slithered down into it, and then looked up expectantly at him. With a deep sigh of feigned exasperation, he slid in beside her. She wasted no time wrapping one arm around him and resting her head on his shoulder. She took a moment to savor it. His shoulder, that little dip where it met his chest, had obviously been made to suit her head. It was perfect.

“Hey Fenris?” she said, craning her neck to look up at him.

“Yes, Hawke?”

She couldn’t help her shiver at his use of the nickname. She  _ loved _ it when he called her Hawke.

One of his hands had found the back of her head, his fingers carding pleasantly through her hair. He was ever so close, suddenly, so warm, and whatever her train of thought had been, it was lost in his breath mingling with hers, his mouth hanging slightly open, only inches from her own…

Planting her toes in the fabric of the sleeping bag, she pushed herself up so she could claim his lips with her own. The hand in her hair froze, and then for one glorious second it pulled her closer and he was kissing her back. Then, with a groan, he stopped and pushed her away.

“Marian, you’re drunk,” he said.

“Am not!”

He didn’t respond, just gave her a look that there was really no arguing with. She sighed and settled her head back onto his chest.

“This okay though?” she asked.

“Yeah. This is… this is good,” he murmured, stroking her hair again.

She smiled and closed her eyes.


	8. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beach trip: Part two!

The sun woke Marian long before she had any interest in being up. She groaned and rolled over, hiding her face in the sleeping bag.

“Good morning,” Fenris said.

“Nnngh,” she replied, ever so eloquently. She lifted her head though, resting her chin against his chest and wincing at the light. Fenris chuckled and she could feel the sound rumbling in his chest. 

“Don’t wanna wake up,” Marian grumbled.

“I can hear the others already. If we stay in here too long, we’ll only be providing fuel for Isabela’s overactive imagination.”

He was completely right, of course. She didn’t have to like it, though. 

“How about this,” Fenris murmured. “We get up. I’ll make us some coffee. We can spread some towels out on the sand and just relax. You can even throw a towel over your eyes, if you like. After a while, if you’re up for it, I’ll get you some cereal. Does that sound alright?”

“You might be the only person I’ve ever known who can make cereal sound so enticing.”

“It’s a talent,” Fenris said, laughing again. 

The others had headed down the beach to get a morning swim in, and Fenris was only halfway through making their coffee when the sound of car tires and the rumbling of the engine of Varric’s pickup announced his arrival. He was followed by an obnoxiously sleek black sportscar that had to belong to Zevran.  

“Good morning, my friends!” Zevran announced, sliding gracefully out of the car. “I see you have been eagerly awaiting  my arrival! Well, you can relax now. I have arrived, and the fun can begin!”

“Coffee now, fun later,” Marian grumbled, picking her head up off the picnic table. 

“Fun later, hmm? I will hold you to that,” Zevran said, raising one eyebrow suggestively. 

“No, you won’t. Unless you’d like to test that luck of yours,” Fenris growled, gripping the handle of the french press as if he was considering using it as a weapon. Marian fought to keep the smile off her face at the thrill his words sent through her. 

“Oh, I see.” Zevran grinned, eyeing Fenris. “Fair enough, then.”

Fenris held his glare for a few moments longer before turning away, picking up the pot of hot water from the dinky burner they’d brought (solely for coffee-making purposes, as Isabela’s no-cooking-except-by-campfire rule was still in place). He poured it into the french press, and Marian inhaled deeply, a sleepy smile on her face from the wonderful aroma. 

“You look like you had fun last night,” Varric said, taking a seat next to her and clapping her on the back.

Marian just groaned, hiding her head in her arm again. 

She must have fallen asleep for a few minutes, because the next thing she knew Fenris was rousing her gently, one hand resting on her shoulder as he pressed a mug of coffee into her hands. Marian smiled, breathing in the smell again before turning to grin at Fenris.

“You are amazing. I could kiss you right now.”

“Maybe later,” Fenris said with the tiniest hint of a suggestive smirk, just small enough for everyone but her to miss it. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” she quipped, and Fenris’s smile broadened just a bit. 

They carried their coffee down to the beach and spread out towels just as Fenris had promised. Varric set up a chair next to them on the beach while Lyna and Zevran sauntered by to join the others in the water. Zevran was wearing a black Speedo because, well…  _ of course he was .  _

Fenris had obviously seen her staring, and raised an eyebrow at her. She cleared her throat awkwardly and leaned back onto the towel, shutting her eyes. 

“This is so nice,” she sighed, smiling.

“Hm, I suppose it is.”

Once she’d finished her coffee, Fenris brought her cereal too, and she grinned at him as he handed her the bowl.

“Cinnamon toast crunch, my favorite,” she said, taking a bite. “I could really get used to this, you know. Might have to keep you around.”

“I see how it is. You only want me for my cereal-pouring talents.”

“And the coffee. Don’t forget the coffee,” she added.

“Oh, yes. How silly of me. My two talents: pouring cereal, and making coffee.” He laughed.

“Oh come now, don’t sell yourself short. You also are very good at looking gorgeous in that bathing suit.”

“Ah, of course. So glad I could provide that important service for you,” he said, raising a skeptical eyebrow at her. He definitely blushed, though. It was really adorable.   

\---

The others joined them on the beach for a while to eat lunch, and then they spent the afternoon alternating between swimming and lying on the beach. Marian had opted for her skimpiest black string bikini this time. It was well worth Merrill’s squee-ing over how she and Fenris matched to see the look on Fenris’s face when she stripped off her clothes.

She didn’t miss his look of disappointment either when, later on, she started to sunburn and threw her t-shirt back on.

As the sun went down, they once again walked up the beach to the campsite. Marian got the fire going again, and they pulled the food out. They had all kinds of stuff left over from the previous night, so they would be stabbing their dinner on skewers again to be roasted over the fire. 

“Where are Zev and Lyna?” Isabela asked, looking around. “Oh, nevermind. Looks like they were hungry for something else,” she added with a smirk, looking over into the trees. 

“What are they…” Merrill wondered, following Isabela’s gaze. “ _ Oh _ . Oh, dear,” she said, blushing bright pink. 

Zevran had Lyna up against a tree, and by the rhythm of their movements… well, there was very little question what they were up to. 

“Seriously?” Anders yelled, his face stuck halfway between disgust and amusement. 

“You are welcome to join us if you like,” Zevran shouted back. 

“What about me?” Isabela said, feigning hurt. 

“When have you  _ ever, _ ” Zevran let out an obscene moan, followed by a giggle from Lyna before he could finish his sentence, “waited for an invitation?” 

“Hmm, he has a point,” Isabela conceded. 

“Well, I guess we should go on without them,” Anders said. 

When Zevran did eventually join them, looking thoroughly debauched and followed by Lyna who was in a similar state, he attempted a joke about the skewered sausages. He looked thoroughly put out when everyone informed him that Isabela had beaten him to it the night before.

This time when Isabela pulled out the rum (and Varric and Zevran brought out their own offerings), Marian politely refused. Tonight she would be completely sober, she’d make sure of it.

“Not drinking, Hawke?” Varric asked, looking perplexed. “You overdo it last night or something?”

“Or perhaps you are trying to keep a clear head, hmm?” Zevran added with a suggestive raise of his eyebrow. 

“Don’t want a repeat of this morning, no,” Marian said with a laugh, knowing Zevran saw straight through her real reasoning for remaining sober. 

Fenris accepted some rum, but he took one small sip before he put the drink down and got up to retrieve his guitar from the jeep. 

"I was wondering when you were going to get that out,” Marian said.

“Hmm, yeah. I forgot yesterday,” he said with a laugh. He unzipped the case and pulled the guitar out, strumming lazily as he adjusted the tuning. She watched as he did so, appreciating the deft movements of his fingers. 

“You’re really good at that.”

He laughed. “I haven’t even started playing yet.”

“Yes, and it’s already more than I could manage. How do you know how much to adjust it?”

“You can just tell, I suppose, after a while. You can hear when it’s right.”

Fenris didn’t play any song that Marian could identify, at first. The random chords as he tuned the guitar morphed into odd bits and pieces of music. He played almost absentmindedly, it seemed, but it was undeniably beautiful. As was he, Marian thought. She completely lost track of time as he played. She knew the others were drinking and talking and getting up to who knows what, but she only had eyes for him. He looked more relaxed than she’d ever seen him, eyes half-shut and the ghost of a smile on his lips. 

He looked up and saw her staring, and the smile grew. 

His lazy playing began to take shape, disjointed chord progressions giving way to song. Then he drew in a breath and began to sing. It was so low and soft at first she wasn’t sure anyone else would even hear it. As he neared the chorus though he made eye contact with her and his voice grew.

_ I will not ask you where you came from _

_ I will not ask and neither will you _

_ Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips  _

_ We should just kiss like real people do _

There was an almost playful smirk on his lips as he sang the words, despite the gentle melancholy of the music. Marian was entranced. His voice was deep and rich and rough in a way that made it infinitely sexier. As if the guitar wasn’t enough. All too soon, if you asked her, the song drew to a close, the final chord lingering in the air. 

Everything went silent after Fenris finished, save the distant rush of the waves crashing on the beach. She stared at him, the strange mix of emotions in her chest at odds with the immediate need to throw herself at him and fuck him senseless. Fenris met her gaze and despite the subtle sadness to his smile, she could see the same heat reflected in his eyes. 

Isabela started clapping enthusiastically then, joined quickly by the rest of the group, and the spell was broken. Probably for the best, Marian thought. Zevran had already filled today’s quota for public sex, anyhow. 

Fenris looked almost startled as he turned towards the rest of the group with an embarassed smile. Had he, too, forgotten that anyone was here besides the two of them? He blushed and put the guitar down. He snuck another look at Marian, though, and she smiled at him, heart thumping oddly in her chest.

He took another tiny sip of his rum, and Marian wished she had accepted just  _ one _ drink. 

“Ooh, we should make s’mores!” Merrill exclaimed. “I almost forgot!”

Marian took a deep breath, somewhat thankful for the distraction from the charged atmosphere between her and Fenris. Anyways, nobody could possibly disagree with s’mores, so they all set about hunting for sticks to use (everyone agreed they were too lazy to wash the skewers from dinner again).

Everyone fanned out in search of the perfect stick. Isabela picked one up, studied it, and tossed it aside.

“What was wrong with that one?” asked Zevran. 

“Too short. It needs to be  _ long _ enough to get the job done.”

“It’s not about _length_ , my dearest Isabela, it’s about knowing how to use it,” Zevran purred. 

“Trust me, I know how to use it,” Isabela said.

“Of that I have no doubt, my friend.”  

When they’d all procured sticks they deemed suitable, they returned to the fire ring and broke out the s’mores stuff. 

Marian, of course, was a master at this. 

They had camped all the time when she and the twins were kids. Some of her fondest memories of her dad were from camping. And one of the most important skills gained from all of that camping experience was the perfect marshmallow-roasting method.

First, she held the marshmallow a careful distance over the embers so it heated through completely. When the head of the marshmallow began to swell, it was good. Then, she stuck it in the flames and caught it on fire, and promptly blew it out before it got too charred. 

When she stuck it into the fire though, Merrill immediately cried out.

“What are you doing?!”

“Roasting a marshmallow,” Marian said, grinning. “What does it look like?”

“But you lit it on fire!”

“Only for a second. Gives it that nice caramelized flavor without being charred. It’s the optimum marshmallow-roasting strategy.”

“No no no, this is how it’s done,” Merrill said, gesturing towards her pristine marshmallow that had only just begun to turn brown around the top. 

“Oh come on, Merrill, where’s your sense of adventure!”

“I’m fine, thanks. My marshmallow is perfect just the way it is.”

Marian just shrugged and grinned at Fenris, who’d just stuck his marshmallow into the flames. His eyes locked onto hers as he brought the flaming marshmallow nearer to his lips and blew it out. She was still staring but she couldn’t break her eyes away, even as he rose and came to join her by the chocolate and graham crackers, smirking slightly. 

“Who gave you the right to make that so sexy?” she whispered with a laugh. “S’mores aren’t supposed to be sexy!”

“Clearly you’ve been doing s’mores wrong,” he said smoothly and returned to his seat. She hastily assembled her s’more and sat back down.

Despite the clear challenge there had been in his tone, Fenris was completely nonchalant as they ate their s’mores. Hers was as delicious as ever, her ultimate technique never failing her. 

But then Fenris finished eating his, and made direct eye contact with her as he sucked the remaining marshmallow and chocolate off of each of his fingers, one by one. He dragged his thumb across his lower lip as he finished, still staring at her through lidded eyes. 

Marian stood abruptly, knocking her chair backwards in her haste.

“I’m going to go… get more firewood. Yeah, that,” Marian said distractedly, stepping around her chair and marching away from the campfire. 

She had barely made it past the ring of light cast by the fire before Fenris’s hands caught her hips, pinning her against a tree. His body was flush against hers, their faces only inches apart. Her breath came rapidly as she stared at him, waiting. Something snapped, then, and they both moved at once, their lips colliding with too much force, but it didn’t deter either of them. She just hummed against his lips, reaching up to tangle her fingers in his hair. She let her tongue brush his lips and he groaned, letting her in. He leaned into her and she could feel the bark of the tree pressing into her back but didn’t have it in her to care. She clutched at his back with one hand, holding him against her. 

He pulled away, tugging at her lower lip with his teeth before releasing it. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed rapidly, staring at her with wonder.

“You have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to do that,” she breathed against his lips.

“Oh, I think I do. I’ve been dying to do that again ever since…”

“Oh, right. So, care to tell me more about our ever-so-romantic first night together?”

“How about I show you instead?” Fenris murmured, his lips trailing up her neck, sending a delectable shiver down her spine. 

She hummed her assent and then his mouth caught hers again. His hands trailed down her arms and latched onto her wrists, tugging them up above her head and pressing them against the tree. She gasped against his lips and she could feel his responding smirk. He deepened the kiss and she melted into him, held up only by her hands pinned firmly against the tree and his weight against her. 

He freed one of his hands, holding both of her wrists firmly in the other, and reached between them, brushing his fingers down her side, across her stomach. He deftly popped open the button of her shorts, sliding them off. He slid his fingers up her exposed thigh, slipping under her bathing suit to grab her ass as he kissed her again. 

“Hmm,” she groaned against his lips. “Shirt off.”

“As you wish,” he said, and released her hands and stepped back to pull his shirt swiftly over his head. Taking advantage, she immediately reached for him, fingers sliding over the bare skin of his shoulders.

“Not so fast,” Fenris said, grabbing her hands. “You want me to show you, remember?” His voice rumbled deep in his chest and she felt it as much as she heard it.

“Yes,” she gasped, practically begging. He pinned her hands back against the tree, keeping a slight distance between them. He smirked again and she bit her lip in anticipation.

He leaned forward to press his lips against hers, so gently it was at odds with the pounding of her heart, the heady promise of the words he’d uttered just a moment before. He trailed his lips down her neck, taking a step closer so only an inch separated them. His fingers trailed over her stomach, raising goosebumps on her skin through the thin material of her t-shirt. Then his hand slipped under her swimsuit bottoms and his mouth was on hers again and she cried out, only just able to whisper the word “tent” or she’d have let him take her on the spot.

She wrapped her legs around Fenris’s waist and he supported her with one arm, leaving his other hand free to continue driving her completely insane. He set her down to undo the zipper, and managed to get it open in record time despite the distraction she posed. His lips were on hers again as soon as it was done. She tripped over the opening of the tent again as she backed into it, not wanting to let go of him long enough to walk properly. She landed with a soft “oof!” onto the sleeping bags, and tried to slide up so she could slip inside them to escape the cool night air, but Fenris was faster, lowering himself on top of her before she could move more than a few inches. 

Then his mouth was on hers again, and all thoughts of the cold were banished along with any inhibitions she had left. She still marveled at how right things felt with him. Though she did at least know his name now, their friendship was a pretty new thing. She still didn’t really know him, so why did being in his arms feel like home?

Fenris broke the kiss to pull her shirt over her head, his eyes slightly wide in something like disbelief, or wonder. She lifted her arms to help and he tossed the garment aside, his eyes darkening with lust as a tiny smile played at his lips.

“See something you like?” she said breathlessly, the effect of her smirk probably dampened by the butterflies in her stomach. 

“You have no idea, Hawke.”

His hand slid under her and pulled the string of her bikini loose, and that soon joined her shirt in the corner of the tent. After another moment to appreciate the view he was on her again, kissing her desperately, his hands suddenly everywhere and she hardly retained enough brain function to register that despite his shirtlessness he was entirely too clothed for her taste. Her feet went to the waist of his swimsuit, trying to push it down,  _ off, _ though it wasn’t working very well. He chuckled against her mouth and reached down to untie the offending garment so it slid easily down his hips, and he kicked it off. 

She was hyperaware of every inch of his skin on hers, the heat of him against her, her swimsuit bottom the only fabric left between them. His hands ran down her sides to her hips, thumbing the strings holding the fabric to her. His eyes darted to hers.

“Are you sure?”

“ _ Yes _ .” 

\---

Marian woke the next morning with a smile on her face, rolling over to wrap her arm around Fenris’s waist.

Her arm fell straight through where Fenris should have been and onto his empty sleeping bag. Her eyes flew open, darting around the tent.

He was gone. 

She tried to clamp down the anxious, panicky feeling clawing its way up through her chest. He had probably just gone to the bathroom or to get a snack or something. It was probably nothing to worry about. 

Her eyes fell onto a scrap of paper on his pillow, and she snatched it up. 

Two words, in his neat print:

“ _ I’m sorry _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome to come yell at me on tumblr- broodywolf.tumblr.com :)


	9. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everything hurts, but there is also some comic relief.

Marian walked down the beach with her arms crossed over her chest, still clutching the note he’d left in one hand. She had expected him to be gone completely, but of course Isabela was his ride. _That’s going to be a fun drive_ , she thought bitterly.

Fenris was sitting in the sand, staring out at the waves with his knees pulled close to his chest.

“Was it that bad?” Marian asked with a nervous chuckle to cover up the hurt she felt, holding up the note. Fenris’s head snapped around to look at her, and he stood, pacing as he began to speak.

“What? No, Marian, it was... It was amazing. I could never have dreamed it better. It's just... This is too fast. I can't…”

“So what, you got what you wanted and now you’re done? Are you fucking kidding me?”

The stricken look on his face was almost enough to make her regret her words. Almost. But the pain inside her was screaming for him to hurt, too, so she didn’t take it back.

“That’s not-”

“Isn’t it?” she shouted, stepping forward as he tried to look away so he couldn’t avoid her gaze.

“I'm sorry”, he said, his eyes full of agony when he looked at her.

Her anger fled, replaced by an empty dread that she didn’t want to acknowledge.

“Please,” she whispered, hating the tears that escaped her. “Please don’t do this.”

“I can’t… I thought I was ready. To move on with my life, to be happy for once. I wanted…” He shook his head, eyes closing.

“I’m such a fool.”

He sighed, his shoulders drooping as he turned away from her.

“Forgive me,” he said as he walked away.

She stood fixed to the spot, watching his back as he retreated down the beach, shoulders hunched. She forced herself to turn away and dropped to the sand, sitting and staring out at the waves. The surf was rough today, loud and chaotic, a marked contrast to the numbness that had settled over her.

“Marian?”

After taking one look at her face Merrill sat down quietly beside her and leaned her head on Marian’s shoulder. Marian was as grateful for the company as she was for the silence; Merrill knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t want to talk yet.

“We should probably start packing up. When you’re ready.”

“Yeah, ok,” Marian said, nodding. “I’ll be right there.”

Merrill went on back to the campsite, and Marian followed after taking just a moment to compose herself.

“Sooo, it sounded like somebody’s night was _fucking intense_ , hmm?” Zevran asked salaciously as she approached. Marian barely had time to register the fresh ache that the reminder shot through her before Merrill had launched herself at Zevran, marching him away and, from the look of it, cursing violently at him in hushed tones. She punched him several times in the arm before finally turning away, visibly fuming.

Marian shot her a weak smile and Merrill just nodded, still frowning indignantly.

Fenris still hadn’t returned, so Marian put his things in a careful pile outside the tent. She retraced their steps from last night, picking her shorts off the ground, his shirt, carefully shaking pine needles out of them. She kept her eyes trained on the ground, carefully not looking at the tree where he’d- _no, not going there_ , she thought, trying to snap herself out of it.

_His grip almost bruising on her wrists, breath hot against her neck, his touch slowly driving her mad-_

A harsh sob escaped her and she caught herself against a tree, steeling herself before she walked back towards the campsite.

She dismantled the tent methodically, focusing on each movement to keep her mind from straying places she couldn’t bear to go.

When she went to carry her stuff back over to the car, she was faced with a painful realization. Varric had already left, having some business at Bianca’s to get back to, and Zev and Lyna would be in his car, which was a two-seater. Which left her and Fenris in the same car again for the drive back.

Fenris reappeared just as they were preparing to leave, his face carefully blank. He grabbed his guitar and his duffel and got into the car without looking at anyone. Merrill, who was definitely Marian’s favorite person right now and perhaps ever, climbed into the middle seat without question so that she wouldn’t have to sit next to him.

The atmosphere in the car was so tense it was almost tangible as they drove off. Marian stared out the window, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone.

“Who died?” Anders said with a chuckle as he looked around the silent car.

Marian tensed. Anders had gotten up early to get in a final swim. It was hardly his fault, he couldn’t know, but it was hard to remember that when a fresh wave of pain was washing over her.

Merrill leaned forward and grabbed Anders roughly by his sleeve, whispering frantically in his ear and fixing him with her best glare.

“Oh.” His face fell as he glanced back at her.

Marian turned back towards the window, feeling slightly sick.

\---

Fenris practically shot from the car when they got back to the dorm, grabbing his bag and his guitar and taking off towards the building. Marian said goodbye to Isabela and Anders in a muted voice and went inside herself, Merrill following right after.

“Is there anything I can do?” Merrill asked when they got back to the room.

“No,” Marian said, collapsing onto her bed.

“I’m going to go to the library, then. Call me if you need anything?

Marian nodded without turning back towards Merrill. She heard the door open and shut and then she was alone. She wasn’t sure if she felt relief or despair at the thought of being alone. She didn’t have to hold it together anymore, but there was nothing left to distract her. Nothing left to stop her thinking about the previous night, about _him_.

She could still feel him on her. It was like he’d left his mark everywhere, a reminder she both hated and clung to desperately. The tender spot on her neck he’d kissed and bitten, the ghost of his grip over her hipbones, her wrists, the soreness between her thighs. He was _everywhere_. She could avoid him all she wanted, she could try to distract herself, but there was no running from the evidence carved into her body.

She curled in on herself, feeling her face contorting in silent sobs as the tears ran down her cheeks.

\---

The week passed in a strange haze, sometimes slipping by and other times dragging out infinitely. When she wasn’t in class she stayed in her room, not wanting to see the pity in her friends’ eyes. When Friday rolled around, though, Merrill put her foot down.

“It’s Friday, Marian! We always go to Bianca’s on Friday. Always!”

“Not this week, Merrill. Please, just leave it.” Marian said, scrubbing a hand over her face.

“No, I won’t! You’ve been in that bed all week, it will be good for you. Get your mind off things.”

Marian rolled over, groaning into her pillow. Merrill was probably right, but she didn’t have to like it.

She pushed herself off the bed, putting only minimal effort into getting dressed. Jeans and her favorite (and most comfortable) Star Wars t-shirt. She grabbed a jacket and followed Merrill out the door.

When they got downstairs, Isabela was standing in the door of the kitchen, talking to the first floor RA, Cullen. Odd.

Cullen was wearing sweatpants and holding a cup of soup, looking a bit flustered. His cheeks were rather flushed and he was scratching the back of his neck nervously. Not that Marian could blame the poor guy; Isabela was leaning forward and unleashing the full power of her breasts. Marian had experienced it herself, and it wasn’t something to be taken lightly.

“I wonder what Isabela wants with Cullen,” Marian said quietly to Merrill.

“Poor thing, he looks so very nervous,” Merrill agreed.

Isabela turned away from Cullen with a smirk then, sauntering over to them.

“Good, I see Merrill got you out of the room. My work here is done, then. I’m off to pick up Zev and Lyna. Oh, and Cullen there is coming with us, don’t leave without him.” Isabela grinned and walked out of the building, leaving them thoroughly confused.

“Do you know what all that was about?” Marian asked Cullen, walking over towards him.

“None at all. She was just there suddenly, and her breasts, and- I was just trying to make soup! I was going to watch Monty Python.”

“Well, it sounds like you’re coming with us now. There’s not much use arguing with Isabela. If it helps, I didn’t want to come either,” Marian said, smiling ruefully at him.

“Let me put some actual pants on at least. I’ll only be a minute,” Cullen said.

Marian and Merrill followed him to his room and waited outside the door. Cullen’s room was only a few rooms down from Fenris’s and Marian very carefully didn’t look that way.

“Okay, let’s get this over with,” Cullen said, emerging from his room. He was wearing dark jeans and a grey buttoned shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“Ooh, you look nice!” Merrill said. “You should dress like that more often.”

Cullen blushed again and thanked her.

\---

Bianca’s was in its usual state of Friday night insanity when they arrived, and Marian had to admit the familiar chaos was oddly comforting. She’d have to thank her friends later for dragging her out. Isabela, Anders, Zevran, and Lyna had already claimed the corner booth and were waving to them.

They all slid in, and introductions were made, as Cullen had not met much of the group.

“Pay up,” Isabela said, holding a hand out to Anders. Anders rolled his eyes, but slid a ten into her hand.

“We had a bet,” she explained, looking at Cullen. “Anders here thought you were too straight-laced to come out with us.”

Cullen laughed. “I may be an RA, but I have actually been to a bar before.”

Varric walked over then with a tray of drinks. He placed a dark beer in front of Marian. She shot him a questioning look.

“I didn’t order anything.”

“It’s a damn good chocolate stout, trust me. And it’s on me tonight, Hawke. I figure you probably need it,” he said with a smile.

“Thanks, Varric. You’re a good friend.”

“Yeah, yeah, you just love me for the beer.”

“You know that’s not true,” she said, cutting him off.

“Yeah, I know. Now stop, you’re getting me all emotional.”

“Can’t have that,” Hawke laughed.

She turned back towards the table as Varric walked away, and saw Zevran giving Cullen a very appraising look. Cullen was very obviously checking out a girl at the bar with bright pink hair in a daring undercut. Marian couldn’t help thinking that Cullen didn’t stand a chance.

“You should go talk to her,” Zevran said. Cullen looked up with a confused expression.

“The girl at the bar you have been watching so intently. Go talk to her. You may not stand a chance, but you will never know if you do not try.”

“Oh, no, I wasn’t-”

“Oh come on, kitten, you can do it,” Isabela added.

“You really should at least try,” Merrill said with a bright smile.

Cullen laughed, raising his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, I’ll go!”

He took a quick sip of his drink and walked over to the bar. He appeared to say hello, and the girl turned and smiled at him. They all sat in complete silence as they waited for the inevitable, but then Cullen leaned over and said something in the girl’s ear and she grabbed him by the collar, pulling him into a passionate kiss.

Marian was almost surprised that there wasn’t an audible thud from all of their jaws hitting the table.

“He didn’t!” Anders said.

“He did!” Isabela cried out, laughing.

“Oh my, they really are going at it,” Merrill said, her head angling to the side as she watched.

Zevran just stared, laughing and slowly clapping his hands.

“That was unbelievable!”

When Cullen and the pink-haired girl (finally) broke apart, he grinned and pressed one more kiss to her lips before returning to the table.

“I have never been so glad to be proven wrong, my friend,” Zevran said as he approached.

“What did you _say_ to her?” Isabela asked incredulously.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Cullen said, with a smirk that should be outlawed. He slid back into the booth.

“Yes, actually, we would like to know. Whatever that was, we should can it and sell it,” Anders said.

“Alright, alright.” Cullen waved at the pink-haired girl and she walked over to their table, sliding in beside him. He threw an arm around her shoulders.

“This is Alyx,” Cullen said, “my girlfriend.”

The table fell into stunned silence until Zevran began a slow clap. Cullen chuckled and slowly the laughter spread around the rest of the table until they were all cracking up.

“Well done, my friend,” Zevran laughed, still clapping loudly.

Marian laughed softly to herself, enjoying the feeling even though the smile felt odd on her face. The odd emptiness in her chest hadn’t quite gone away, but it felt a little less awful.

“So, how did you two meet?”

Alyx smirked, glancing over at Cullen.

“Well, I’m on the club rugby team–”

“Ooh, that’s exciting!” Merrill said. Alyx laughed.

“Yeah, well I got my knee pretty well crushed in a game, had to go in for PT.” Alyx had a slightly mischievous grin now. “Cullen happened to be the student volunteer that day, and… well, I’m sure you can guess the rest.”

Cullen blushed, and Alyx just smirked and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Ooh, I like her!” Isabela said.

“So you play rugby?” Anders said.

“Oh yes, tell us about that!” Merrill added.

Alyx grinned enthusiastically and began regaling them with some of her wilder rugby stories. At some point another round of drinks was ordered, and Isabela pushed a shot of rum into her hand with an uncharacteristically soft smile. 

Marian accepted it, curving her fingers around the tiny glass, remembering with a pang the last time they’d been sitting in this booth, when it had been Fenris handing her the shot with that infernal smirk of his. She closed her eyes, frowning to try to will the memory away.

“Hey, you okay?”

The soft voice was accompanied by a light touch on her arm and Marian opened her eyes. Alyx was leaning towards her, striking blue eyes full of concern.

“Yeah, fine,” Marian lied quickly. Alyx, apparently, saw right through her though, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

“So, who is he?” Alyx asked smoothly.

“There is no ‘he’. Not anymore.”

“I see. His loss, then,” she said suggestively. “You know what you need?”

“What do I need?” Marian asked, playing along.

“Girls’ night.” Alyx said with a decisive nod.

“Did somebody say girls’ night?” Isabela asked, leaning across the table.

“Yes,” said Alyx, “I did. Honestly, you hadn’t planned one yet?”

“It was our next step. Getting her out of the room other than for class was step one,” Merrill said.

“Hey!” Marian cried.

“It’s for your own good,” Merrill added, placating.

“Tomorrow, then?” Alyx asked, undeterred.

“Where, the Pearl?” Isabela suggested.

“Ehh, not quite what we want. What about the Gallows?” Alyx said.

Isabela agreed, and suddenly they had plans to go to the Gallows (and what kind of name was that, anyway?) for girls’ night. Marian could at least take comfort in the fact that Merrill looked equally bewildered.

On the bright side, everyone agreed to let her leave a bit early since she’d agreed to going out the next night. She and Merrill walked back to the dorm at an easy pace, quiet for most of the journey.

Merrill opened the door and they stepped inside. Before she could continue into the staircase, though, some movement down the hall caught her eyes. Slim legs in dark pants, a black t-shirt draping over strong shoulders, that unmistakeable white hair.

Fenris. Her heart gave an awful lurch. He saw her just a moment later. She saw the shock flit across his face, chased by guilt and pain. His shoulders drooped and he turned away, ducking into his room before she could say anything to him.

Had she wanted to say something to him? She wasn’t sure, wasn’t sure of anything between them anymore. Despite the pain he’d caused her, though… she hated seeing seeing the hurt on his face. Everything about it felt wrong.

“Marian, you okay?” Merrill asked.

“What? Oh. Yeah,” she said absentmindedly, still deep in thought.

She followed Merrill up the stairs, halfway wanting to go knock on Fenris’s door and say something, she didn’t even know what but anything to try and fix this awful wrongness she felt.

Why did everything have to be so fucked up?

 


	10. Girls' Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, Fenhawke week took over everything for a while and then giveaway prizes and whatnot... anyways, enjoy!

Marian flopped back on her bed, accepting defeat. Isabela and Alyx were like a tornado, flinging clothes haphazardly across the room. They’d arrived about fifteen minutes earlier, declared Marian’s outfit of black tank top, jeans, and chucks completely unsuitable, and begun their raid on her closet.

“Merrill, help me! I’m being buried alive!” Marian cried, flinging an arm melodramatically over her forehead as the pile of clothes piled over her legs grew.

Merrill giggled and Marian shoved the clothes aside to free herself.

“Ooh, now what is this?” Isabela said with a grin as she turned towards them, dangling Marian’s one really sexy, fancy bra from one finger. Bright red lace with straps that crossed over the top of her bust. It had been a present to herself for her last birthday, with a matching pair of lacy panties. Not that she’d ever had the occasion to wear them, of course.

“Isabela! Put that back!”

“I don’t think so, kitten. You thinking what I’m thinking?” Isabela said, trading a significant look with Alyx.

“Oh, yes.” Alyx grinned, and then the pair of them were back in Marian’s closet, flinging more clothes onto the bed. A few moments later they shoved the bra and its matching panties, a sheer black tank top, and a black miniskirt at her.

“No,” Marian protested, pushing the clothes away.

“No arguing. Get dressed,” Isabela said. Marian glanced at Merrill for help, but Merrill just looked at her expectantly. With a groan, Marian started pulling off her clothes.

“Turn around if you don’t want to see me naked,” she told them.

No one turned around. Undeterred, Marian stripped and then pulled on the ridiculous outfit they had chosen for her. When she was done she turned towards the mirror. She looked hot, she had to admit, but… the top was really quite sheer.

“Are you guys sure about this? It’s so see-through!”

“Yes,” Isabela said simply. She didn’t even turn to look at Marian as she spoke, just continued her perusal of Marian’s shoe collection.

Marian didn’t bother arguing when Isabela chose her high heeled black ankle boots. She grumbled about the heels but cooperated and put them on.

“What are you wearing, kitten?” Isabela asked Merrill.

“Ooh, right! I need to get dressed too!” Merrill said, skipping towards her closet. She stripped off her t-shirt and sweatpants and pulled a dress off its hanger, slipping into it and zipping up the side. She turned and held her arms out to show off the dress, an excited grin on her face. The dress was black, with a skirt that flared out to swing alluringly about Merrill’s tiny hips. The top of the dress was all mesh save for a cat’s face over her chest, just large enough for modesty.

“Only you can manage to look so sexy and so completely adorable at the same time,” Isabela purred.

“You like it, then?” Merrill asked, blushing slightly.

“It’s perfect.”

“Well, now that we’re all dressed,” said Alyx with a grin. “The real fun can begin! Where do you keep your makeup?”

“Top drawer,” Marian said with an exaggerated sigh. She was really starting to have a great time, but she wasn’t about to admit it.

“Excellent!” Alyx said, sliding the drawer open and sifting through its contents. “Sit,” she said, gesturing towards the bed as she walked back over with an armful of makeup. It was a little unnerving, at first, having someone else do her makeup. Marian had a hard time not flinching when Alyx came at her with the eyeliner. It quickly became apparent that Alyx knew what she was doing, though, and Marian relaxed and allowed herself to be made up and coiffed. She watched Merrill across the room, mouth open in a delicate “O” as she carefully applied her winged eyeliner.

“Now, the finishing touch,” Alyx said with a grin when she’d finished with Marian’s eyes. She produced another makeup bag and dumped its contents on the bed in front of them.

“It’s a girls’ night rule: everyone has to wear lipstick,” she said.

“Is it?” Merrill asked. “I’ve never heard that rule.”

“That’s because it’s one I made up!” Alyx grinned. “But for good reason. A whole group of girls wearing lipstick sends the message ‘you can look, but you can’t touch.’ With maybe a hint of ‘don’t fuck with us’ thrown in.”

“I knew I liked you,” Isabela said. Alyx laughed and winked at her.

“So, feel free to use one of your own, but I brought a bunch of mine just in case! As for you, though, Marian, you basically have to do a classic red to match that gorgeous bra.” Alyx picked one up out of the bunch and offered it to her. “This one, maybe?”

Marian accepted it with a smile and headed over to the mirror to put it on. She did a quick double take when she saw herself. Alyx had put more eyeliner on her than she ever wore, but kept it otherwise relatively simple. She’d clearly had the red lipstick in mind, and Marian knew before she even put it on that the combined effect was going to be stunning.

“Ooh, I like this one!” Merrill said, holding one up from the pile.

“Go for it!” Alyx encouraged.

“Do you need to choose one, Bela?” Merrill asked

“I brought my own,” Bela replied, producing the lipstick from… a hidden pocket on her dress, maybe? Marian wasn’t sure.

Marian had to apply the lipstick very carefully so she didn’t smudge over her pale skin, and so she was the last to finish even though she’d started first.

Alyx was wearing a vivid blueish purple lipstick that was almost metallic looking. Marian wasn’t sure she would ever have the nerve to wear anything like it, but had to admit it was awesome. Isabela’s lipstick was a deep wine color so dark it would probably look black in the dim light of the club. Merrill had chosen a bright pink that almost perfectly matched the nose of the cat that adorned her dress.

“Are there any other rules? Just to make sure we’re doing this properly,” Merrill said with a grin.

“Of course. Girls’ night is a sacred thing. Well, the number one rule: no boys. No talking about them, either.”

“Shots,” Isabela said with a saucy grin (but then, did it count as a saucy grin if all her grins were saucy?).

“Oh, obviously. Dancing is also strongly encouraged, as is all the junk food we can get our hands on once we’ve danced up an appetite,” Alyx said.

“I think I can do that,” Marian said.

“Okay, are we ready then?” Alyx asked, grin exaggerated by the otherworldly lipstick she wore.

“Ready as I’m going to be,” Marian said, grabbing her purse (and a _jacket_ , good god) and heading towards the door.

\---

The club was loud music and flashing lights and dark booths Marian was sure she didn’t want to examine too closely. It would be easy to get lost between the dim lighting and the writhing mass of people, but Alyx and Isabela seemed to know the place very well so Marian just followed. They made their way to the bar and after a series of seemingly unintelligible hand gestures from Isabela the bartender returned with a tray of shots. Isabela picked one up and raised it high in example. The rest of them followed suit, clinking their glasses together before downing their contents.

As usual, Isabela had chosen very well. Marian couldn’t quite pin down what they were drinking, but it had just the right burn while still going down smoothly and when Isabela pushed another shot into her hand with a wink, she accepted it willingly.

The music blaring from the speakers, though grating at first, was as intoxicating as the liquor Isabela kept in steady supply, and soon they all found their way to the dance floor. Alyx grinned and grabbed Marian’s hands, moving in time with the beat. Looking over her shoulder, Alyx laughed suddenly and leaned forward to yell something into her ear.

“Looks like someone’s having fun,” she said, glancing pointedly to the side.

Isabela and Merrill were dancing together, wrapped up in each other, a pretty blush on Merrill’s cheeks as she smiled up at Bela. Marian laughed.

“Brings a whole new meaning to Girls’ Night, huh?” she yelled by Alyx’s ear.

Alyx grinned and nodded.

\---

When they’d finally danced themselves out, they fetched their jackets and stumbled out, walking back towards campus. The weather was starting to turn cooler, and the fresh air felt wonderful against Marian’s sweat-damp skin.

Marian was arm in arm with Alyx as they returned to the dorm. They had to turn a little to file through the door without bumping their shoulders on the jamb. Marian glanced reflexively down the hallway towards Fenris’s room.

Of course, because the universe apparently hated her or something, Fenris was standing in the hallway.

“Is that him?” Alyx whispered in her ear.

“Yeah,” Marian said.

“Let’s give him a show, then,” Alyx said with a dangerous grin, and then she had a hand on the back of Marian’s neck, another wrapping around her waist as she kissed her soundly.

Marian didn’t quite manage to react in a timely fashion, too thrown by suddenly being kissed, and then by the anticipation of the mixture of her red lipstick and Alyx’s purpley blue that was about to be smeared all over her face. Alyx pulled back, a glint in her eyes and a smirk on her lips. 

Marian glanced towards Fenris, torn between the wild desire to see pain on his face at the idea of her with someone else and a not quite rational worry over what he’d think. Why should she be worried? Serves him right.

Fenris’s face was unreadable, but his knuckles were white where he grasped the handle of the mug he held, and she could see the tension in his shoulders. He met her eyes then, though, and— _Oh_.

Abruptly he turned, almost running back to his room and shutting the door with a slam that echoed down the hall.

“Looks like he didn’t like our show,” Alyx said, grinning. Marian gave her a half-hearted smile in return, but their little victory felt empty. She’d seen the flash of genuine pain on Fenris’s face and all she’d wanted to do is go to him, comfort _him_.

“Yeah,” she said distractedly, but then someone cleared their throat and she looked up.

“Erm, hi, sorry,” Cullen said, giving them a lame wave before turning towards Alyx. “You want to tell me what that was about?” he asked, glancing up at Marian as he spoke.

Alyx laughed. “Oh jeez, I didn’t think you’d see that. I’m sorry babe. It was nothing, I promise, just giving this Fenris guy a little show.”

“Ahh,” Cullen said, a look of understanding on his face. “Did you have fun tonight?” he asked, clearly speaking only to Alyx as he stepped towards her, hands resting on her hips.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, we did.” Alyx grinned, and then gave him a playful shove. “But now you need to go. Girls’ night, you understand. No boys allowed.”

Cullen feigned a wounded expression, but then smiled softly at her. “Have a good time. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Alyx said, leaning up to give him a quick peck on the lips.

Marian quashed down the ache in her chest at the easy affection the two shared, plastering a smile on her face as Alyx turned back around.

“Shall we?” Alyx suggested, walking towards the elevator.

Merrill booted up her computer as soon as they got back to the room and she and Isabela immediately started debating pizza options.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I need a shower before I do anything else,” Marian said. “I don’t even want to think about what I’m covered in right now.”

“Hmm, not a bad idea. Plenty of time to do that while the pizza comes, anyway!” Isabela agreed.

They grabbed shampoo and a pile of towels and pajamas (Alyx and Isabela had come prepared) and headed for the bathroom.

“There are only three showers so I guess one person will have to wait. You all can go ahead,” Merrill said.

“Nonsense,” Isabela objected. “You can share with me, kitten.”

“Oh, well, if you’re sure.” Merrill blushed but stepped into the stall with her. Marian and Alyx exchanged a look before stepping into their own showers.

Marian washed quickly to the sound of giggling coming from the next stall over.

“I hope you girls aren’t having too much fun without me over there,” Alyx called.

“No!” Merrill squeaked.

“You’re welcome to join us if you like,” Isabela said.

“On that note, I’m heading back,” Marian said with a laugh lest they think she was actually offended.

“Aww, you’re no fun,” Isabela said as Marian towelled off.

Alyx emerged shortly after Marian, followed not too long after by Isabela and Merrill, who was still a bit giggly.

All clean and dressed in their pajamas, they returned to the room. Isabela ran downstairs to retrieve the pizza, and then the four of them piled onto Marian’s bed and ate their pizza (green peppers and tomatoes and olives at Merrill’s request, classic pepperoni for Isabela and Alyx) and watched _Pacific Rim_. There was something incredibly cathartic, Marian thought, about watching giant robots fight giant aliens. Marian laughed as Merrill and Isabela came up with increasingly ridiculous theories about which of their friends would be drift compatible.

There was no talk of going to bed when the movie ended—Alyx immediately put on _Kingsman_ instead, cheerfully declaring it another rule to stay up absurdly late. Merrill went to the fridge and retrieved some cookie dough she’d apparently bought for the occasion (there was a reason she was Marian’s best friend, for sure). They ate it straight out of the package, of course.

Merrill and Isabela retreated to Merrill’s bed when Kingsman was over, claiming sleepiness—an excuse Marian was just a tiny bit skeptical about at this point—leaving Marian with Alyx in her own bed.

“Mind sharing?” Alyx asked. “I don’t snore, I promise,” she added with a grin.

“Not at all. Wanna put another movie in?” Marian said with a yawn.

“Sure,” Alyx grinned, leaning her head back on her hands.

Marian put in _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_ and collapsed back onto the pillows with Alyx.

She must have fallen asleep partway through it, because she woke—too early—with vague recollections of dreams involving aliens who said _ni_ and holy hand grenades blowing heads off with bursts of confetti, of throwing herself into a waiting pair of arms twined with white tattoos, full of elation at their victory over villains or alien monsters or some combination thereof.

Odd how something that seemed so happy in a dream could feel so melancholy once you were awake. She rolled over and closed her eyes, determined to fall back asleep.

\---

Sunday was a completely lazy affair. Merrill cooked a simply enormous amount of french toast in the morning, and they all stuffed their faces and continued to laze around in bed for a few hours. Eventually Isabela and Alyx left, and Marian and Merrill went about their usual Sunday routines, getting ready for the week.

Marian was still more than a little exhausted as she left the room Monday morning, but felt… better. Refreshed, somehow, despite the heaviness of her eyelids.

As she stepped out of the stairwell onto the first floor, a familiar shock of white hair caught her attention. Pain flashed across Fenris’s face, and he turned to walk in the other direction. It took Marian only a second to make up her mind.

“Fenris, wait!”


	11. Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marian and Fenris talk, and an unexpected visitor shows up at Bianca's.

“Fenris, wait!” she said, jogging a few steps to catch up with him. He stopped, head hanging low, and slowly turned to face her.

“We need to talk.”

“You want to do this here? In the middle of the lounge?” he asked, gaping at her.

“Hmm, kinky,” she quipped. Fenris glared at her and she relented. “Oh, alright. Your room?”

Fenris nodded and she followed him down the hall. He unlocked his room and they both stepped inside. It was, she realized, the first time she’d actually been inside his room. It was relatively sparse, though she could immediately tell his side of the room from his roommate’s. Dark grey and black bedding, a full bookshelf, a few art prints gracing the walls. She could easily pick out Guernica at a glance, and a Van Gogh.

Fenris turned back towards her then, snapping her out of her examination of his room. He frowned, seeming to consider his words before speaking.

“I’m so sorry about that night, Marian, I-”

“That’s not why I’m here. Well, it is, but… just hear me out, okay?”

His brow scrunched in confusion, but he nodded.

“Fenris, I… I won’t deny that you hurt me. A lot,” she started, but paused when she saw the agonized expression that was becoming painfully familiar twist Fenris’s face, his eyes falling to the floor once more. She reached out to grab his wrist gently, and his eyes sought hers. His mouth fell open in confusion at the kindness in her gesture.

“Marian…”

“Let me finish,” she said, the barest hint of a smile curling her lips. He didn’t quite return the expression, the pain and regret much too evident still on his face, but his features did at least soften some as he exhaled slowly. 

“We made a mistake,” she said. “I don’t want that to stop us being friends.”

“The mistake was mine.” Fenris said, and grimaced at how it sounded. “That’s not what- I shouldn’t have…” he sighed, his shoulders drooping. “I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“You won’t,” she said, and slowly stepped forward to wrap her arms around him. He stilled, arms straight at his sides for a moment before they slid tentatively around her back, then tightened, pulling her into a crushing embrace.

“Thank you, Hawke. I… I missed you,” he murmured into her shoulder.

“I missed you too, Fenris.” 

“I’m… sorry about my reaction last night. You have every right to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve,” he said, stepping back and trailing his hands down her arms.

Marian blushed, and laughed nervously.

“Oh jeez, I am so sorry. That wasn’t—that was just Alyx. She’s Cullen’s girlfriend actually, she just, um…”

“So you two aren’t…?”

“No! No, we’re just friends. She thought it might make me feel better to… I don’t know. To make you think I’ve moved on.”

“And did it?” he asked.

“Not really. Well… maybe a little,” she admitted sheepishly. “Is that bad?”

“I don’t think I’m in any place to judge you for it. After what I did…”

“It’s okay, Fenris. I mean, it’s not okay okay, but I’m sure you had your reasons. I forgive you.”

Fenris stared at her, eyes wide, mouth working over words that wouldn’t come.

“Friends?” Marian offered, sticking out a hand. Fenris gave her a grateful (if still somewhat tentative) smile and put his hand in hers. She gave it a firm shake and grinned at him.

“Friends,” he said, smile growing.

“So, we’re going to Bianca’s on Friday, as usual. You… you want to come?”

“I’d like that,” Fenris said, still smiling at her.

“Ok. Good. Well, um… I should get to class,” Marian said, suddenly feeling extremely awkward now that the conversation she’d come for was done.

“Right. I’ll just see you on Friday, then,” Fenris said, and she made a hasty exit.

She realized, as she walked to class, that the offer she had just made Fenris might have been easier said than done.

_No_. She could do this. How hard was it to just be friends with him? She had plenty of friends. She was _great_ at being friends.

Everything would be fine.

\---

Everything was decidedly _not_ fine.

She and Fenris had smiled hesitantly at each other each time they’d passed in the hallways that week. He’d ask how she was and she’d say she was fine and they’d nod and look away from each other and then continue on their way. It was… _something_ , certainly, but it wasn’t fine.

Everything was _awkward_.

Friday evening, she headed downstairs so she and Fenris could walk together to Bianca’s. She’d been counting on Merrill to be her awkwardness buffer, but Merrill had taken off that afternoon. She’d grinned a little too bright and said something about shopping with Isabela before skipping right out of the door, so Marian was left alone. _Well, this should be fun_ , she thought as she rounded the bottom of the stairs—and nearly ran headlong into Fenris.

“Oops! Oh my god, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you!” she said.

“No, sorry, I should look where I’m going—”

“You’re not the one who nearly bowled you over! Er... That maybe didn’t make total sense. Anyway, I was just coming to find you so we could maybe walk to Bianca’s together. If you still want to go, that is. Um, yeah.”

“Yes! I was just coming to find you, actually.”

“Oh! Great. Um, shall we, then?”

“Yes, let’s go.”

As soon as they were outside, though, Fenris shivered and crossed his arms.

“Shit, it’s cooler than I realized.”

“You wanna go back for a jacket?” Marian asked.

“Yeah, um. If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not! It is a bit chilly. I’m still not used to it yet,” she said. _Small talk! Good job, Marian._

Marian let them back into the dorm and they walked down the hall to Fenris’s room. He turned the key and stepped through the door, Hawke following right after him.

They made it about two feet into the room before they both stopped dead in their tracks.

She should turn around. She should really turn around, but she was transfixed. A guy—presumably Fenris’s roommate—was stark naked on the bed, his (admittedly rather perfect) ass towards them as he rolled his hips into the gorgeous blonde under him. Well, that’s what he had been doing anyway. Now he was turning towards them in horror, desperately pulling at the blankets in a somewhat pointless attempt to cover himself and his, uh, lady friend.

“Sebastian, what the fuck!” Fenris cried, clapping a hand over his eyes.

“Fenris!” the roommate—Sebastian, apparently—stammered, eyes wide in mortification. “I didn’t think you were coming back until late!”

“I forgot my jacket. How did you—shit, just forget it! I can be cold,” Fenris swore, all but running from the room. Marian followed him with a squeaked “sorry!” and shut the door behind them.

They stood in the hallway for several moments, staring straight ahead.

Finally, Marian broke the silence, blurting out, “Your roommate has a really, _really_ fantastic ass.”

Fenris gaped at her for a second before dissolving into hysterical laughter, doubling over with a hand on his knee. Marian joined in, a ridiculous giggle that opened up into full-bodied laughter.

“Yes, yes he does,” Fenris wheezed, still laughing uncontrollably.

“Well, at least we know tonight can’t get any more awkward,” Marian said lightly, still giggling every now and then.

“Let us hope,” Fenris muttered.

“Um, do you want to borrow a sweater? It is a bit chilly outside, and I have one that’s loose on me that you could probably wear.”

“Do you mind? I’ll be okay without it but I will admit I would prefer not to walk all the way there in just my t-shirt.”

“I don’t mind at all! Do you want to wait here and I’ll just run up and grab it?”

“Sure,” Fenris said, and Marian took off.

The oversized grey cardigan, it turned out, did suit Fenris pretty well. Okay, _very_ well.

“You, um. You look really nice,” she said, eyes darting away from his.

They made it past the door of the dorm this time, and headed towards Bianca’s. The walk was, all in all, not nearly as awkward as it could have been. They asked after each other’s weeks (Marian had just handed in a monster of a lab report; Fenris was starting to work on the mountains of flashcards he’d need in order to survive his midterms), and Fenris asked how her family was (Mom was fine, the twins were starting to apply to colleges, and for once she had actually spoken with Garrett, who was notoriously awful at answering his phone).

Even so, Marian was glad when they finally reached the bar. Fenris held the door for her and she strode in, heading straight for the booth their friends had already claimed.

It suddenly occurred to Marian that she probably should have told her friends ahead of time that she had invited Fenris. _Um… oops?_

She tried her very best to give them a look that said ‘Fenris is behind me and I know you guys probably don’t understand but please just be cool and don’t give him a hard time’, but... well, that was a _lot_ to try to convey with a look.

“Marian!” Isabela called out as she approached, though her smile quickly faded into a confused frown. “And… Fenris?”

“What is he doing here?” Anders asked.

Marian glared at him, but he didn’t even notice as he pinned Fenris with a distrustful eye.

“I invited him,” she said firmly, hoping no one would continue to argue.

“Why?”

_Dammit, Anders_. Marian risked a glance at Fenris, who was looking distinctly uncomfortable.

“Because he’s still my friend.”

Anders nodded, and his expression softened as Marian and Fenris slid into the booth next to Merrill and Isabela.

“Where is everyone?” Marian asked.

“Zev and Lyna aren’t coming tonight; it’s an anniversary of sorts for them. Varric is working, but you knew that. Alyx and Cullen might come after her rugby game finishes,” Isabela said.

“Oh, cool.”

A large shadow over the table announced Bull’s presence, and a moment later he was setting beers down in front of Hawke and Fenris.

“Varric sends his love,” Bull said with a grin. “He’s busy at the bar.”

“Thanks, Bull,” Marian said, smiling back at him. She raised her glass to Varric across the bar, and he nodded at her before turning back to the group of customers surrounding him.

“So, how is everyone?” Marian asked, sipping her beer. A variety of noncommittal noises answered her, and she laughed. “Midterm season?”

“I am so not ready!” said Merrill, sighing deeply.

“You’re telling _me_!” Marian laughed.

“New subject, please,” Anders said. “I don’t want to think about it.”

Luckily for Anders, all talk of midterms was forgotten as Varric shouted across the bar.

“Big Hawke! What are you doing here?”

_What?_

Marian whipped around. Sure enough, Garrett had just walked in the door. The breeze was still ruffling his hair. She jumped out of her chair and ran over, leaping at him.

“Garrett! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” she asked as she flung her arms around his neck.

“Surprise, little sister!”

Marian rolled her eyes at the ‘little’ he just _had_ to throw in there. She grabbed his arm and tugged him over to their booth.

“You met Merrill when you were helping me move in, but you might not have met Isabela and Anders. And this is Fenris,” she said, gesturing towards each of them.

“Fenris, huh?” Garrett said, doing that _thing_ with his shoulders, as if he wasn’t big enough already. _Oh god, he’s going to do the big brother act. Oh no_.

“Um, come on, Garrett, let’s get you something to drink,” she said brightly, pulling him away from the booth and heading for the bar.

“You are not allowed to do the big brother thing!” she hissed as soon as they were out of earshot.

“Is he the one you told me about? He hurt you, Marian.”

“Okay, yes, but I forgave him. We’re friends.”

“You sound so certain of that,” Garrett said, arching an eyebrow.

“Shut up! Just… go easy on him, okay? It wasn’t his fault. Not really.”

Garrett just looked at her, eyebrow still raised.

“Okay it was a little bit his fault but… look, you don’t know him, okay? He wouldn’t have left if he didn’t have a good reason.”

“Okay, sis. I may not trust him, but I trust you. I just don’t want you to get hurt again, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” she said, giving him a playful shove. “Now let’s actually get you a drink, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah!”

When they’d managed to catch Varric’s attention long enough to get Garrett a beer (it was busy tonight, jeez, must be the midterm season stress kicking in), they returned to the booth. Marian reclaimed her seat next to Fenris, and Garrett slid in beside Anders.

“So, Anders, was it?” he drawled, leaning in.

“Garrett! Oh my god, stop flirting with my friends!”

“What? I was just saying hello,” Garrett said with a grin that was anything but innocent. Marian frowned at him.

“WHAT UP, BITCHES!”

The whole table looked up in unison. Alyx was standing there in her bright blue rugby uniform, smeared all over in dirt. A bruise was blossoming on her cheekbone, but a bright grin split her face.

“Alyx!” Marian said. “I take it you guys won?”

“You fucking bet we did,” Alyx said. “Anyways, the girls are grabbing a table so I’m going to join them in a minute, but the last time Cullen had drinks with us after a game he got his ass grabbed like five times so I’m going to leave him in your capable hands.”

“And you expect that _not_ to lead to him getting his ass grabbed?” Isabela asked with a dangerous grin.

“Please don’t,” Cullen said, sliding into the booth next to Garrett.

“Don’t have too much fun without me,” Alyx said, giving Cullen a peck on the cheek.

“I feel like I should be saying that to you, instead,” he replied, smirking at her. She laughed and ruffled his hair.

“I’ll be back later,” she said, and took off towards the front of the bar.

“How’s your week been, Cullen?” Merrill asked.

“Not too bad, I suppose. How about you guys?”

The same chorus of noncommittal grunts Marian had received earlier sounded in response.

“Midterms?” Cullen asked.

“Midterms,” they sighed in almost perfect unison.

“Somebody said something about ass grabbing?” Garrett said with a wide grin, finally turning away from Anders.

Cullen groaned. “Maybe I would have been better off with the rugby team after all.”

“Garrett,” Marian sighed.

“Fine, fine. Let me know if you change your mind, though. I’d be more than willing,” Garrett said, waggling his eyebrows at Cullen.

Now it was Marian’s turn to groan as she leaned forward, slamming her forehead against the table. A low chuckle sounded beside her, and she turned a shocked expression towards Fenris.

“You Brutus!” she hissed, laughing. “You’re not supposed to laugh at him when he’s being an ass!”

“What? It is amusing to see you like this. It’s like a whole different side of you.”

Marian pulled a face. “Well, I’m glad you’re amused,” she said with a put-upon sigh. Fenris just hmm-ed in response, lapsing into silence again. Marian turned to watch Garrett impress all her friends with a story about his work in the zoo. It had been his dream since he saw a documentary on Animal Planet as a kid to work with komodo dragons.

“Marian?” Fenris said quietly after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for asking me to come along again.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” she said, voice a little too high pitched for normal. “The more the merrier!”

“I just… am pleased. To see you. That’s all.”

“I know. I mean, me too. I’m, um… I’m glad you came,” she stammered, looking away slightly to hide the traitorous blush in her cheeks.

“Want me to grab us some more drinks?” Fenris asked, gesturing at her near-empty glass.

“Sure, that would be great.”

He slid out of the booth and walked over towards the bar. It really was unfair how hot he looked in her sweater, she thought as she watched him go. It draped perfectly over his gorgeous shoulders, coming to an end just over his ass…

_Oh fucking hell_. Marian barely resisted the urge to slam her head into the table again. She valued Fenris’s friendship over any potential for _more_ between them, but… she had really, hugely underestimated how much she was not over him. It was silly, she supposed, to expect that she would be; it had only been a couple of weeks, after all. _But still_ , she thought as she watched him waving Varric down to get their drinks.

She was so caught up in watching him that she nearly jumped sky high when Alyx plopped down next to her.

“You still want him,” Alyx said without preamble.

“What?” Marian squeaked, coughing to hide the inelegant sound.

“You don’t have to hide it from me. But you have to ask yourself one question, right now. Is he worth fighting for? If he is, you stop at nothing. If he isn’t, you don’t waste another second of your time, because you deserve better than that.” She was unmistakably looking at Cullen while she spoke, but then she turned to Marian with a smile.

“Was he worth it, then?” Marian asked, nodding at Cullen.

“Every day,” Alyx said, and clapped Marian on the back before going to join Cullen on the other side of the booth. Marian watched as she gave him a sweet kiss, and though there was still something of heartache lingering in her chest, she felt the closest to peace she had in the past couple of weeks.

Fenris returned then, setting two beers down and sliding back into the booth next to her. She grinned and thanked him.

Fenris was worth it. She was certain of it, even if it was the kind of truth that she _felt_ rather than knew. She’d barely known him for a month, and yet here he was, fitting seamlessly into her group of friends, filling up all the empty spaces she hadn’t even known were there. She wanted him to be a part of her life, no matter what that meant. Fenris wasn’t ready for all the things that she wanted, so she would be there for him in whatever way he needed.

Even if he was never ready, she thought, it was worth it to be able to count him as a friend.

“Cheers,” she said, grinning and lifting her glass to Fenris.

“Cheers, Hawke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian's gorgeous blonde belongs to Emma-Trevelyan :)
> 
> And very many thanks to both Emma and Quinn for beta-ing this mess of a chapter!


	12. Texting the Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang is overwhelmed by midterms, and Marian and Fenris are still not very good at being just friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title and the text chapter idea courtesy of the wonderful quinnlocke. Emma belongs to Emma_Trevelyan.

Fenris 12:43 am

Is it safe?

 

Sebastian 12:48 am

Is what safe?

 

Fenris 12:49 am

The room. Is it safe for me to come back now?

 

Sebastian 12:51 am

Oh, yes! I’m at Emma’s flat for the night. Room’s all yours. I am so sorry about that. Again.

 

Fenris 12:54 am

I’ve seen worse things, don’t worry about it

 

Sebastian 12:56 am

Well that’s… good I suppose? Anyway, good night Fenris

\---

Marian 12:38 pm

Anders you are NOT ALLOWED to sleep with my brother

 

Anders 1:12 pm

Um… too late?

 

Marian 1:13 pm

ANDERS OMG. Oh fuck this isn’t happening

 

Anders 1:17 pm

Actually that’s exactly what happened

 

Marian 1:18 pm

OMG you are the worst aaaggghhhhh

 

Anders 1:27 pm

Too far?

 

Anders 1:27 pm

I’m sorry. I maybe should have talked to you first, I’m not sure what the rules are here. In my defense, your brother is really charming?

 

Marian 1:28 pm

I’m not mad I just ahhhh I do not need to think about this I think I’m going to go wash my brain out now

\---

Marian 1:30 pm

Really, Garrett? Really?

 

Garrett 1:31 pm

I plead the fifth

 

Marian 1:31 pm

All the guys in the world, and you had to sleep with one of my best friends? Come on!!!

 

Garrett 1:33 pm

I’m sorry?

 

Marian 1:33 pm

No you’re not

 

Garrett 1:34 pm

No, I’m not. Honestly tho I swear I didn’t mean to let it go that far but he did this thing with his tongue and I just…

 

Marian 1:34 pm

STOP. OH MY GOD. STOP.

 

Garrett 1:35 pm

Oops…

 

Marian 1:36 pm

I changed my mind. You two are clearly meant for each other.

 

Garrett 1:37 pm

Buy you lunch to make up for it? That diner we went to last time?

 

Marian 1:38 pm

Deal, but only if I get a milkshake too.

\---

Zevran 11:12 am

I saw the most darling creature in the kitchen this morning. Care to tell me what dear Merrill was doing in there wearing nothing but your shirt?

 

Isabela 11:17 am

U know damn well what she was doing

 

Zevran 11:19 am

So, you and Merrill, hm? Is this a one time thing, or has the great Isabela gone monogamous?

 

Isabela 11:21 am

Ur one to talk

 

Zevran 11:22 am

And you are changing the subject, my dear. You know Merrill and Lyna are cousins, no? Merrill is quite special to her and I would hate for either of them to be hurt.

 

Isabela 11:23 am

And what makes u think she isn’t special 2 me too?

 

Zevran 11:25 am

So you HAVE gone monogamous, then? Oh now this is interesting!

 

Isabela 11:27 am

Ok, maybe I am a little bit monogamous. Ugh, are u happy?

 

Zevran 11:28 am

I admit Lyna and I will miss your marvelous breasts, but I am happy for you my friend.

 

Isabela 11:30 am

Also wtf are you texting me for? Ur in the next room!

 

Zevran 11:31 am

Lyna is asleep on my other arm. I did not wish to wake her.

 

Isabela 11:32 am

Well hello mr. monogamous pot, I’m kettle

\---

Marian 8:42 pm

Fuck midterms. Fuck them so much.

 

Merrill 8:42 pm

There are equations dancing in front of my eyes like sugarplum fairies. Have you eaten dinner? I don’t think I’ve actually eaten since breakfast...

 

Marian 8:43 pm

Dinner is a good idea. Meet you back at the room and we can order something? Or do you want to walk somewhere?

 

Merrill 8:43 pm

Walk, I think. I’ve hardly been outside all week.

\---

Marian had been staring at the same page of her textbook for ten minutes. The more she tried to make sense of it, the more she went cross-eyed and her brain hurt from trying. With a loud groan she let her head fall forwards, hitting the textbook with a thump.

“Are… are you alright?”

_Oh, fuck_. Fenris would choose this exact moment to walk by.

“I’m fine,” she mumbled into her textbook.

“I can tell,” he said, laughter coloring his tone.

“Shut up.”

“Take a break with me?” he asked, voice just a bit tentative. “If I stare at these flashcards another minute I think my head will explode.”

“Yeah, okay. Breaks are good. Coffee?”

“Please.”

“Let me just put my textbook upstairs.”

“Want to just leave it in my room?” he asked. “Saves you the trip.”

“Sure,” she said, gathering her things and following him down the hall.

Sebastian was in the room, hunched over his desk with his head in his hands. Classical music filled the room. He was fully clothed this time, but Marian had to disguise the laugh that worked its way up her throat with an awkward cough.

“Not going well, I take it?” Fenris asked him.

“Not at all,” Sebastian said, running his fingers through his hair.

“I have to take a break, or I’m going to go mad. I’ll be back later,” Fenris said.

“Not a bad idea. Have a good time.”

“You can just leave your stuff there,” Fenris said as he turned back towards her, gesturing at his desk.

Marian dropped her overlarge pile of study materials on the desk and they headed outside. The weather was really getting cooler now, and she was glad for the flannel she had on. One good thing, Marian thought as they walked, was that they were both stressed enough about midterms that they didn’t have so much energy to waste on feeling awkward around each other. The silence now was much more comfortable than it had been a couple weeks before.

“So how bad does your week look?” she asked.

“Midterm tomorrow, midterm Tuesday, midterm Thursday. Paper due Friday. Massive project and another paper due next week just before fall break. You?”

“Midterm, midterm, lab report, midterm, paper, midterm… It never ends.”

“You’ll do fine.”

Marian laughed. “If you say so.”

“I do say so.”

Marian glanced over at him. His gaze was fixed on her, his eyes crinkled at the corners as he gave her a warm smile. She turned away to hide the blush that spread quickly across her cheeks.

“I just want it to be over,” she said. “For better or for worse.”

“Any plans for break?”

“Just working on my Halloween costume probably. You?”

“The same, I expect. And sleeping.”

“Ah, how could I forget sleeping!” she exclaimed with a sigh.

“What are you going as for Halloween?” he asked.

“That would be telling,” she said, grinning. He laughed, and she couldn’t help but join in.

“I’ll just have to look forward to seeing it, then,” he said in a low voice. Ugh, that voice still _did things_ to her. _Just friends, Marian. We’re just friends. Pull yourself together_.

The coffeeshop was predictably packed, students with textbooks and computers and flashcards spread out at every table. Luckily, there were only a few people currently in line.

“What do you want?” he asked as they approached the counter.

“What? No, I can get my own.”

“Hawke,” he said, looking at her through his eyelashes in a way that was _completely_ unfair. “Please, just tell me what you’d like.”

“Um. Plain latte, please.”

“Was that so hard?” he asked, and he was _smirking_ , damn him. _You are really not making this any easier_ , she thought at his back as he turned around to order for them.

\---

Isabela 5:07 pm

Want to come over tonight?

 

Merrill 5:23 pm

I want to, yes, but I shouldn’t. I have so much studying to do.

 

Isabela 5:25 pm

I can help you study ;)

 

Merrill 5:29 pm

Why do I get the feeling you wouldn’t be helping at all?

 

Isabela 5:31 pm

Hey, it’s important that you have some time to relax, too.

 

Merrill 5:34 pm

Maybe later. But only if you actually do quiz me some, okay?

 

Isabela 5:35 pm

Anything for you, kitten.

\---

“I’M FREE!” Marian yelled as she swung open the door to their room.

“Yay!” Merrill cried, running across the room to give her an enthusiastic high five.

“You leaving for break yet?”

“No, tomorrow morning. Why?”

“Bianca’s?”

“Ooh yes please,” Merrill said with a grin.

\---

Marian 4:57 pm

Btw if you’re still around we’re going to Bianca’s tonight.

 

Fenris 4:59 pm

That sounds wonderful actually. Any chance you want to grab dinner beforehand? I am completely out of food.

 

Marian 5:07 pm

Oh god same. Meet you downstairs at 7?

 

Fenris 5:09 pm

Sure. I’ll see you then.

\---

Marian had the best friends ever. They were crammed into the booth like sardines tonight; she and Merrill had definitely not been alone in wanting to celebrate being done with midterms. Isabela, Anders, Zev, Lyna, Alyx, and Cullen had all showed up too. Garrett had even come to join the festivities, invited, she suspected, by Anders. Marian was squeezed in between Merrill and Fenris, close enough that their legs were pressed together from knee to hip. Sitting so close to Fenris it was all too easy for her mind to wander, remembering how those legs had felt intertwined with hers as he— _ah fuck stop it Marian_. Despite the warm buzz of alcohol already flowing through her, she leaned forward to grab another shot from the bunch in the middle of the table, downing it.

When she leaned back again, Fenris had thrown his arm over the back of the booth behind her. _Fuck._ She glanced towards him, hoping he hadn’t noticed her reaction. He just gave her an easy smile, and she shut her eyes for a moment and let herself relax against him. Mmm, it did feel nice. He was so _warm_.

She was dimly aware of someone saying her name, a funny rumbling next to her ear.

“Marian.”

It was Fenris’s voice, and the rumbling was his soft laughter. She smiled as she opened her eyes. The booth was emptier than she remembered it being.

“Tired?” he asked, smiling.

“Apparently,” she said. “Oh god, I swear I’m not that drunk. I really am just sleep deprived. And maybe a little drunk.”

“It’s okay, I know you weren’t drunk enough to pass out. I thought I would let you sleep, though. Want to head back to the dorm? Merrill already left with Isabela.”

“Yeah, probably a good idea,” she said, pulling her jacket back on.

The brisk air woke her up considerably as they stepped outside, and she shivered, zipping up her jacket. Their silence, for once, was completely devoid of awkwardness. Whether they were just both drunk enough not to worry, or just enjoying the feeling of being done for a while, she felt completely at peace walking with him. She found herself gravitating towards him a bit, cold as it was, their arms nearly pressed together as they walked. Her knuckles brushed against his a few times before he reached over and intertwined his fingers with hers.

Her heart skipped a beat and she looked down at their joined fingers, trying to keep the stupid grin off her face. _Just friends_. Friends could hold hands, though, right? Definitely. She gave his hand a squeeze, and he smiled that crooked smile she loved so much.

She took a deep breath that smelled unmistakably like _autumn_ , and gave up trying to stop herself from grinning. Tonight was really, really great.

When they got back to the dorm, Marian walked down the hall with Fenris towards his room.

“I’m glad you came tonight,” she said as they paused outside his door.

“So am I,” he said. “Have a good break.”

“You too,” she replied, and stepped forward to hug him before she could second guess herself too much. After only a brief moment’s hesitation he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. In that moment, she was certain it was the best hug she’d ever been given in her life. When, all too soon, he pulled away from her, he trailed his fingers down her arms, smiling softly at her.

“Good night,” he murmured.

“Night,” she said, and turned down the hallway towards the stairs.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” he muttered behind her, and she looked back.

“What is it?”

“My roommate,” he said, looking at the door as though it had personally offended him. Marian’s brow furrowed for only a moment before she registered the distinct, rhythmic sounds coming from Fenris’s room, the occasional soft moans.

“Not again!” she whispered.

“I guess they thought I’d left,” he said.

“Um. Do you want to come up to my room, I guess? Merrill’s gone for the night, so you don’t even have to share a bed.”

“I don’t want to sleep in someone’s bed without their permission first…”

“Okay, share with me then,” she said, trying very hard to sound nonchalant about it when she felt anything but.

“Are you sure?” he asked, an uncertain, almost pained expression on his face.

“Fenris,” she began, “I was serious when I said that I forgave you for what happened. I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it. Unless you’d rather sleep on a couch in the lounge, that is?”

“No, of course not. Thank you, Hawke.”

\---

He was gone by the time she woke up the next morning, but there was a folded note on her desk. He’d drawn a smiley face on the outside of it, as if he wanted to make certain she didn’t think it was something bad this time.

_Hawke-_

_I was up early and didn’t want to wake you. I hope you’ll forgive me for disappearing before you wake up yet again._

_Thank you for letting me stay last night though, I really appreciate it._

_Have a good break, and I’ll see you when you get back._

_-Fenris_

\---

Alyx 4:37 pm

Oh btw, my cousin’s having a Halloween party and you should totally come

 

Alyx 4:37 pm

She throws the BEST Halloween parties, trust me

 

Marian 4:38 pm

Dude you had me at “Halloween party”, I am IN


	13. Halloween!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of Fenhawke Week, the long-awaited Halloween chapter! Sorry I've kind of let this fic slide, but I hope you guys enjoy!

Marian woke with a grin on her face. _Halloween!_

Halloween on a Saturday, no less, which made it damn near perfect. She and Merrill wasted no time getting started on plans for the day. They were all going to Alyx’s cousin Emma’s party, which was supposed to be completely awesome. Some of them had decided to get ready together beforehand too; much more fun that way, Marian thought. Prepping for a Halloween party took _time,_ so they might as well do it together (and, knowing Isabela and Alyx, get a bit of pre-gaming in too).

Marian quickly realized that what with Isabela, Alyx, Cullen, the two of them, and all of their costumes and makeup, their small dorm room would get crowded fast. Merrill glanced around their room and nodded, agreeing with her. “Let’s see if we can go to Isabela’s instead. Hopefully Zev and Lyna won’t mind.”

Merrill 12:27 pm

Hey, is it ok if we all come to your place to get ready? The dorm room is going to be a bit crowded.

Isabela 12:35 pm

Of course kitten, lemme just tell Zev and Lyna to put some clothes on

“Ok, we’re good! Bela’s just telling Lyna and Zev to put clothes on,” Merrill said with a giggle.

\---

“Kitten!” Isabela said, opening the door for them in just her underwear and a t-shirt. “And Marian. Come on in!”

“So… you told Zev and Lyna to put on clothes, but didn’t bother to do the same yourself?” Marian asked.

“I _am_ wearing clothes! I have on a shirt _and_ underwear.”

“Riiight,” Marian said, stepping past Isabela into the house. Merrill followed suit, stopping briefly to give Isabela a peck on the cheek. Bela, of course, grabbed her and pulled her in for a much more scandalous kiss.

“Really, guys?” Marian cried, setting down her bags on the sofa.

“Don’t like it, then you’re in the wrong place, sweetheart,” Isabela said with a grin.

Marian sighed. “Alyx had better get here soon. I need more booze for this.”

“Did someone say booze?” Zevran asked, waltzing down the stairs. He was more dressed than Isabela—he had at least put on pants—but his shirt was left unbuttoned over a bare chest.

“Save me, Zevran!” Marian cried with a cheeky grin.

“I never could resist a damsel in distress,” Zevran said, returning the grin.

“Hey, don’t do anything naughty without me!” Lyna yelled, running down the stairs after Zevran. “So, what debauchery do we have planned for the evening?”

“I think I know a good way to start,” Zevran said, grabbing Lyna around the waist and crushing her lips to his.

“Oh god I’m going to be the awkward… _seventh_ wheel. Why did I think this was a good idea?” Marian groaned, throwing herself onto the sofa dramatically.

“You are welcome to join us if you like,” Zevran said, waggling his eyebrows. Marian rolled her eyes at him.

“I’ll pass. I believe booze was mentioned, though?”

“As the lady commands,” Zevran said, bowing at the waist. “What do you say we combine our booze with our coffee, yes? We have a long night of revelry ahead of us, after all!”

“Oh, I knew I liked you!” Marian said with a grin.

She followed Zevran into the kitchen, where he approached the _beautiful_ espresso machine and grinder on the counter and began grinding the beans.

Zevran opened a cabinet and hummed in consideration as he perused the row of flavored syrups and various bottles of liquor. “Do you have a preference?” he asked, gesturing at them.

“What do you suggest?” Marian asked.

“Hmm… hazelnut and rum are an excellent combination.”

Marian grinned. “Hazelnut and rum it is!”

Zevran ducked his head into the living room again, asking how many people wanted a latte, before he set to work making them. Marian watched him as he did so, and found herself sorely tempted to invest in a proper espresso machine.

“So whatever happened with you and your lovely tattooed friend? I take it by his absence you did not… kiss and make up, as it were?” Zevran said.

“No. Well. Sort of. We’re friends,” Marian stammered.

“Friends or _friends,”_ Zevran said, smiling over his shoulder at her.

“ _Just_ friends.”

“And you are quite alright with that?”

“I’m fine with it,” Marian said, scowling slightly at him.

“Oh, of course. You sound _completely_ fine,” he said in an arch tone.

“Who are you, my shrink?”

Zevran laughed loudly. “I hope not. I would be rather terrible at it, I think.”

“Then leave it alone, would you?” Marian said with a chuckle.

“Alright, alright!” Zevran grinned and turned to pass her a full, steaming mug. “Cheers,” he said, lifting his own mug and tapping it against hers. They each took a sip, and Marian moaned in delight.

“Oh man, that’s delicious. You are _amazing.”_

“I have often been told such, but in somewhat different circumstances,” Zevran said with a salacious grin.

“I take it by the absolutely obscene noises dear Marian is making that the lattes are done?” Isabela asked, rounding the corner into the kitchen. Zevran slid one along the counter towards her. 

“Did I hear someone say lattes?” a voice called from the other room.

“Alyx!” Marian cried, running to meet her.

“Happy Halloween, bitches!” Alyx said, hefting an enormous orange Gatorade cooler over her shoulder.

“Is there a reason you have a gatorade cooler? Are we going to a sporting event I wasn’t informed of?” Marian asked.

“If you’ve seen her dance, then you know you’re not entirely wrong,” Cullen said, following Alyx in. Marian laughed.

“But seriously, what’s with the jug?” Marian asked again.

“Punch,” Alyx answered with a grin that was downright dangerous.

“She _means_ paint thinner,” Cullen said, rolling his eyes.

“You’re just pissy because _you_ couldn’t handle my punch.”

“Well, my stomach isn’t made of lead, so no.”

A noise that sounded rather like R2D2 screeching blared from Alyx’s pocket.

“Have you really not changed that yet?” Cullen asked with an exasperated laugh.

“What? I like it,” Alyx said, pulling out her phone. She snorted, a grin spreading across her face. “Looks like Emma’s begun the pre-party festivities as well,” she said, turning her phone around to show them. It was a snapchat of a very shapely ass—and strangely _familiar_ one _,_ Marian thought—with the caption “TOUCH. DAT. BUTT.”

“Cullen, dear, would you turn around for a minute?” Alyx said sweetly, but her grin was slightly _too_ wide. Cullen, it seemed, knew _exactly_ what she was up to, and simply levelled her a look, keeping his backside carefully facing _away_ from her phone’s camera.

“Oh come on, you have to respond to a butt with a butt!” Alyx cried.

“Not _mine_ ,” Cullen said, rolling his eyes.

“I volunteer!” Zevran said brightly.

“Why thank you, Zevran,” she said, snapping a picture of his ass as he posed provocatively.

“Ooh, send me that picture, will you?” Lyna said with a grin. Zevran laughed and flung an arm around her shoulders, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek.

“So are we getting dressed yet? I want to see people’s costumes!” Merrill exclaimed, clapping excitedly.

“It’s a little early,” Marian said. “The party doesn’t start for a few hours yet.”

“How about a movie?” Lyna suggested. “Hocus Pocus is on Netflix!”

“Ooh, yes!” Merrill agreed.

“Oh come on, you have to watch shitty horror movies on Halloween! That’s like a rule, right?” Isabela protested.

“Oh, but I love Hocus Pocus! Please, Bela?” Merrill said, turning the full force of her adorable eyes on Isabela.

“ _Alright,_ ” Isabela sighed, though the slight smile she wore belied the exasperation in her tone.

“Yay!” Merrill cried, and Lyna busied herself with putting the movie on.

They all sat down around the television and watched the beginning of the movie while they sipped their lattes. Marian tried very hard to ignore the fact that she really actually was the seventh wheel here. Lyna was curled into Zevran’s side on the sofa, and next to them Merrill had her legs across Isabela’s lap. Cullen and Alyx were sprawled together on an armchair across from them. Marian had decided to sit on the floor by the coffee table rather than squeezed awkwardly in the center of the sofa.

When they finished their coffee, they decided to go ahead and start getting ready; they still had more than enough time in theory, but you never knew when something would go terribly wrong with Halloween costumes.

“Costume time!” Merrill said excitedly, jumping up and down slightly. “I want to see!”

“You’ve seen mine already, Merrill. You were the one who _found_ it,” Marian said. Merrill had managed to find the _perfect_ dress for Princess Buttercup at a thrift store. Marian didn’t have the hair for it, obviously, but Merrill had talked her into doing it anyway. Besides, red _was_ her favorite color.

“I still want to see it! It’s different when it’s actually Halloween!” Merrill said earnestly. “And I haven’t seen anyone else’s! Well, except Bela’s. Come on, let’s go get ready!”

The look Merrill directed at Isabela was almost too cute, and Marian found herself looking away as they headed upstairs, focusing instead on getting her costume and makeup out of her bag. It seemed she was the only one present going solo with her costume—well, there was Bela, but that was a different kind of Solo. She had to tune out the giggling and hushed voices as the others all helped each other get ready. She pulled on her dress, contorting slightly to get it zipped up on her own; she knew she was being silly not to just ask for help, but then she’d always had a stubborn streak a mile wide. She slipped into the bathroom to get her belt adjusted just right in the mirror, before moving on to makeup. Nothing too extravagant, just enough to accentuate her features so she wouldn’t be washed out by the bright red dress. Finally, she put on the blonde wig to complete the look. She gave herself one last once-over and nodded in the mirror before heading back out.

The others were mostly dressed, and had moved on to the details. Lyna was in a dark green flapper dress and was doing her makeup with a bunch of long clips in her hair. Zevran was lounging on the sofa beside her in a very handsome 1920s gangster getup. His dark grey vest had green accents to match Lyna.

Marian grinned broadly when she recognized Alyx’s costume—a dirty, blue jumpsuit with ‘111’ across the back. She glanced at Cullen next, nearly certain what she’d see; sure enough, he was in a similarly distressed orange-and-white jumpsuit. He was giving Alyx a very wary look, holding his hands up slightly.

“Marian!” Alyx cried as she spotted her. “Get over here and tell my boyfriend to stop being a baby and let me complete his transformation.”

Marian shot Cullen an inquiring look, and he elaborated; “Alyx wants to dye my hair black; all I want to know is if that stuff will wash out!”

Alyx, Marian noticed, was brandishing a can of spray dye. “Don’t worry, Cullen, that stuff comes right out. I used it a few years back to make my hair green for a Saria costume.”

“See? Nothing to worry about,” Alyx said.

“You could have just _told_ me that,” Cullen said, leaning forward to allow Alyx to spray his hair. It took quite a bit of spraying, but when Alyx was done, he looked pretty convincing.

“Ok, now that just leaves your eyebrows,” Alyx said, rummaging through her makeup bag.

“What’s wrong with my eyebrows?” Cullen exclaimed, looking alarmed.

“Babe, _you’re a blonde._ You have _seen_ Danse’s eyebrows, right? You’ll look so much better if we darken your eyebrows, too.”

Cullen didn’t look terribly convinced, but allowed Alyx to come at him with her eyebrow pencil. 

“Ta da!” Merrill exclaimed, coming down the stairs with Isabela in tow. Marian had already seen their costumes—Leia and Han Solo—but they were even more excellent now that Merrill had her wig.

“Yes!” Alyx shouted. “Oh my god, I love you guys!”

“Ooh, look at your costumes though! They’re amazing!” Merrill exclaimed, jumping up and down a little. Marian had to suppress a giggle at the way her hair buns bounced. “I’m so excited. Is it time to go yet?”

“Calm down, kitten,” Isabela said fondly. “The party’s not for another hour at least. We have time to kill.”

“We have time for more drinks, you mean!” Alyx added.

\---

A couple drinks later, they decided to go ahead and make their way over to the party. They might be a little early, but Alyx was bringing the punch so they figured that was probably okay. Cullen had volunteered to be their DD, so they all piled into his SUV. Marian was glad the drive was short, because she didn’t want to spend more time than she had to in a confined space with three couples. It still kind of felt like a kick in the face, given her disaster of a love life.

When they arrived, Emma and Sebastian greeted them at the door in impeccable Cinderella and Prince Charming costumes. Sebastian took one look at Marian and blushed scarlet.

“Come on in!” Emma said with a grin. “So glad you all came! Alyx has told me so much about you guys.”

“I’m never one to miss a party,” Zevran said, winking at Emma.

“Wow, Emma these decorations are… _wow,”_ Merrill said, looking around the room with an awestruck expression. Marian had to agree. The whole apartment was decked out in fake cobwebs, with purple and white fairy lights offering just enough light. The tables were swathed in black gauzy cloth, lit by wine bottle candelabras and purple and black paper lanterns. What looked like Nosferatu was playing on the TV. The next room was mostly empty, except for a fog machine and massive stereo.

“So you're Alyx’s cousin, then?” Marian asked, turning her attention back to Emma. “I didn't realize you and Sebastian were…”

“Oh god!” Emma exclaimed, Merrill’s compliments forgotten as she laughed and blushed pink (though not nearly as much as Sebastian). “That was _you!_ Fenris’s…”

“Not really Fenris’s anything,” Marian corrected. “But yeah, that was me.”

Marian caught Emma and Alyx exchange a very knowing look, but chose to ignore it. “Congratulations on your boyfriend's ass, by the way,” she added with a cheery grin. Sebastian flushed even darker as Emma cracked up, thanking Marian earnestly for the compliment.

“It _is_ rather gorgeous, isn’t it?” Emma added with a giggle, much to Sebastian’s chagrin. “You guys are the first to arrive—well, except for Iris,” she said, gesturing over her shoulder at a tiny dark-haired girl with her nose buried in a thick book. “Anyway, make yourselves at home! Alyx, punch in the kitchen—you know the drill.”

“Yes, sir,” Alyx said with a mock salute, marching off towards the kitchen.

“And put it _in the punch bowl_ this time! I don’t want that Gatorade cooler in sight when people start to get here!” Emma added.

“But—”

“Punch. Bowl.”

Alyx sighed, scrunching her nose as she began to unscrew the lid of the Gatorade cooler. Merrill had wandered over to the table by the wall, where there was a large—and anatomically correct—heart, oozing what looked eerily like real blood. It was surrounded by other snacks, all following the creepy theme—spiders, severed fingers, and the like.

“Is that a _cake?_ ” Merrill asked, bending over it to get a closer look.

“Yep,” Emma said, puffing up proudly. “I use a combination of raspberry and cherry puree for the blood. Used to just use raspberry, but it was just a bit too pink.”

“It’s very impressive!” Merrill exclaimed. “So realistic.”

“Thanks. Someone fainted last year, thought the blood was real,” Emma said with a broad grin. “Sebastian, babe, would you start the music?”

“Sure thing,” he replied, pressing a quick kiss to Emma’s temple before crossing the room to the stereo. He seemed to have mostly recovered from Marian’s comment about his ass, but he was still slightly flushed, and was definitely avoiding her eyes. She stifled a giggle at the awkwardness.

“Iris, would you put down the book and get a drink?” Alyx exclaimed, coming back from the kitchen. “This is a party!”

“Not for another fifteen minutes it isn’t!” Iris retorted, glancing up from her book to check the clock. “I want to finish this chapter.”

Alyx rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically. She glanced around the room before looking back at Emma and raising an eyebrow. “Princess, you know all these decorations and shit are gonna be wrecked in like an hour, right?”

“I have my Instagram photos,” Emma responded with a shrug. “And you have to admit, it looks awesome.”

“Oh, but of course! Your Royal Highness couldn’t possibly accept less.”

\---

In reality people probably trickled in slowly, but to Marian it felt like one minute it was just their group lounging on Emma’s couch, and the next minute the apartment was packed with people in various states of drunkenness and a wild array of costumes. She couldn’t help but think she and her friends stood out—many of the people looked like they’d thrown their costumes together that afternoon.

She was just helping herself to a cup of Alyx’s punch—and feeling rather daring for doing so—when she heard it. She thought she was imagining it at first, faint as it was over the din of the party and the music blaring in the next room—but no, there it was again—

“Is that…” she started, glancing at Merrill.

“The Zelda theme music?” Merrill supplied.

“I thought so.”

Then she turned around, and suddenly it made a terrible amount of sense. Anders was striding through the crowd, wearing a green tunic and matching long, green hat, brandishing a sword and a shield carefully painted with the Hylian crest. Behind him, though… Behind him was _her brother,_ squeezed into a pink dress with golden epaulets, an elaborate golden crown sitting on his big, bearded head.

Merrill immediately burst into giggles, while Marian herself had to resist the urge to smack a hand to her forehead.

“Garrett, _oh my god,_ ” she groaned loudly as he approached.

“Oh come on, sis, you know you love it!”

“Don’t be a spoilsport, Marian,” Anders said with an amused grin. “I think he looks ravishing in a dress.”

“I’ll just file that under _things I absolutely did not need to know_ , shall I?” Marian jibed, giggling in spite of herself. “I think my brother looks completely ridiculous, but I still feel obliged to say that you make an _excellent_ Link, Anders.”

“Yes!” Merrill chimed in. “Your hair is perfect for it.”

“Thank you, thank you!” Anders said, grinning and taking an over-dramatic bow.

“Don’t let it go to your head, though,” Isabela added.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Anders declared, with a smile that rather said otherwise.

Marian chuckled and took a sip of her punch, only spluttering _slightly_ as it hit her throat. Once the burn subsided, though… it wasn’t too bad. Paint thinner, maybe, but surprisingly _tasty_ paint thinner. Alyx knew what she was doing.

“Come on, babe, you can’t dress as _Danse_ and then not _dance!”_

 _Speak of the devil,_ Marian thought with a giggle. Alyx had Cullen by the hand and was trying to pull him towards the dance floor.

“You know I’m a terrible dancer, Alyx!” Cullen groaned, trying to plant his feet.

“Do I really look like that bothers me?” Alyx asked with a winning smile. “Just one dance!”

“Alright, fine,” Cullen conceded. “Once dance. Just for you.”

Marian smiled to herself as she watched them weave through the crowd, eventually losing them to the throng and letting her eyes wander, looking at different people’s costumes.

She saw him from across the room.

His back was turned to her, blocked partially by the crowd of people so she couldn’t tell who it was, but the draping black shirt, the mask? It was unmistakable—someone was dressed as Westley.

She started to weave her way through the crowd towards him—she had to at least get a picture, honestly what were the _odds!_ She loved her costume all by itself, but honestly, Westley and Buttercup were just meant to be a pair. She grinned as she got closer, ready to call out to him—but then he turned around, and mask or no mask, the tattoos that curled over his chin were unmistakeable.

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "BUT WAIT! That was a cliffhanger! Halloween isn't even over yet!"
> 
> Yeah, so as it turns out, this chapter was going to be a MONSTER. Easily more than twice the length of any other chapter. Hence: Halloween, PART TWO! As an added bonus for you guys since I've abandoned this fic for so long, the chapter containing the second half of the evening will also go up this week :D
> 
> Happy Fenhawke Week Everyone!


	14. Halloween! Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for not getting part 2 up when promised! It turned into a bit of a monster...
> 
> Since it's been a while, here's a rundown of everyone's costumes, as a few costume-related jokes are made:  
> Marian and Fenris as Buttercup and Westley  
> Anders and Garrett as Link and Zelda  
> Merrill and Isabela as Leia and Han Solo  
> Zevran and Lyna as a 1920's gangster and flapper  
> Alyx Trevelyan and Cullen as the Sole Survivor and Paladin Danse  
> Emma Trevelyan and Sebastian as Cinderella and Prince Charming
> 
> Alyx's cousins Emma and Iris Trevelyan belong to Emma-Trevelyan and Quinnlocke!

Marian froze, looking down at her own costume in mortification. This _could not be happening._ But there he was, literally the Westley to her Buttercup. What was Fenris even doing here? As if he sensed her distress, Fenris looked up at her, and _fuck,_ if that flowing black shirt wasn’t doing _wonders_ for his strong shoulders. Before she could even register his reaction, though, she looked away and escaped quickly into the throng of people on the impromptu dance floor. She darted into the kitchen, where she found Merrill leaning against the counter talking to Alyx.

“Did you know about this?” Marian hissed.

“Know about what?” Merrill said, just a bit _too_ innocently.

“The _costumes._ Tell me you didn’t, Merrill, how could you do this to me?”

“I’m certain I don’t know what you mean,” Merrill said, looking up at the ceiling. Next to her, Alyx stifled a laugh.

“Not you too!” Marian cried.

“What? _Someone_ had to do something. It’s been painful just looking at you two. The puppy dog eyes! I swear,” Alyx said with a shrug.

“What? I do not make _puppy dog eyes!”_

“She didn’t mean _you,”_ Merrill corrected. Oh.

_Oh._

“You’re… don’t mess with me like that guys, I’m serious. It’s not funny,” Marian said.

“Why would you think we were joking?” Merrill asked, her brow furrowed.

“Fenris doesn’t…”

“I can assure you, Fenris _does,”_ Alyx interrupted. “Now get back out there and _talk to him.”_

Alyx shoved her forcefully back out of the kitchen, and Marian had to take a few quick, uncoordinated steps to catch herself. She spotted Fenris across the room, talking to Sebastian, and with a nervous gulp made her way over towards him, quashing the nervous fluttering in her stomach.

“Um, hi,” she said lamely. From the burning in her cheeks she was certain she was blushing magnificently.

“Hi,” Fenris echoed, a soft smile crossing his face as he looked at her.

“I’ll just… leave you to it, then,” Sebastian said, and walked back over towards the stereo.

“You, uh, you look nice,” Marian said.

“I could say the same thing. Quite the coincidence,” Fenris replied, and from the way his mask moved she guessed that he was raising an eyebrow.

“Coincidence. _Right.”_

“Okay, so we’ve been had,” Fenris admitted.

“Duped.”

“Hoodwinked.”

She grinned, and he smiled back at her.

“So I take it Sebastian invited you?”

“Yes,” Fenris said. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“Alyx invited me. Who knew Sebastian’s, um, _friend_ was Alyx’s cousin?! Small world.”

“It is indeed. I must admit I, for one, am rather glad for the… coincidence,” Fenris said.

“Me too,” she admitted, and grinned at him. “Your costume is awesome, by the way.”

Fenris grinned, ducking his head just slightly before looking back up at her. “Thanks. Yours too.”

“Thanks. I don’t know how much longer this wig is going to last, though. So itchy!”

“Yeah, I’m not so sure about the mask, either,” Fenris said with a laugh. “I’m a bit tired of not being able to see. Plus it’s a bit warm in here with this on,” he added, tugging at the cloth tied over his head.

“What do you say we go ahead and get a picture together—after all our friends’ hard work to make this happen, we can hardly _not_ take a picture—and then we can just take them off and not worry about it!”

“I like the way you think. Lead the way, my lady.”

Marian’s stomach did a little flip at that, but she forced herself to keep a straight face as she walked back towards the kitchen. She put on her very best _I am not amused_ face as she saw Merrill and Alyx.

“Very funny,” she said to them. “Just go ahead and take a picture of us, okay? Let’s get this over with.”

She glanced over at Fenris, prepared to roll her eyes at their friends’ antics, but… there was something off in his expression. He looked almost hurt—but for just a second, and then he held out his arm, smiling pleasantly at her. Marian shook it off, plastering on a bright smile for the cameras. They did a few different poses, and eventually walked out onto the balcony—the kitchen, according to Merrill, wasn’t _romantic_ enough for a backdrop. Marian was ever so slightly tempted to strangle her. Once Merrill was satisfied, Marian pulled off her wig with satisfaction, heaving a sigh of relief.

Then she looked up at Fenris, and her heart nearly gave out.

His _hair._

The sides were shaved close to his head, leaving a long shock of white hair on top. _Holy mother of fuck he’s got an undercut._ It was _completely unfair._ Marian had apparently lost all control over her facial features, as she gaped at him open-mouthed for entirely too long. He chuckled nervously, running a hand through his hair—

“Oh, yes. I, um… I got it cut over break.”

“It, uh—it looks good,” Marian stammered, her voice coming out breathy and a little higher-pitched than usual. Fuck, this was exactly what she _didn’t_ need tonight. The new haircut looked _incredible_ on him, and Marian wanted to cry.

“I’m gonna go get another drink,” she blurted, and ran back into the apartment.

\---

“Sister!”

Garrett was towering over the crowd, both arms outstretched towards her as he grinned broadly. Anders trailed behind him with a bemused expression.

Oh, dear. Garrett was _drunk._

Marian had only seen Garrett drunk— _truly_ drunk—a handful of times in her life. As big as he was, it took a really quite impressive amount of alcohol to get the job done.

“Marian!” he said, clapping a big hand down on her shoulder. “This party is awesome. Such a good party. I thought I was over college parties, but I’m glad you invited me.”

“I didn’t, actually. Anders just told me you were coming,” Marian said with a bemused grin. “Which raises a good question—who did invite you guys?” She glanced at Anders, who was obviously the more sober of the two.

“Emma did. She and I have a bunch of classes together,” Anders replied.

“Ah, that would explain it,” Marian said. “So, how’s the evening going? Saved Hyrule from Ganondorf yet?”

“He thinks he has,” Anders said with a giggle.

“I take it he’s been into Alyx’s punch?”

“Oh yeah. Strong stuff, that,” Anders said, eyeing his cup dubiously.

“Definitely gets the job done,” Marian agreed with a laugh. “Though it’s even stronger than I thought if _Garrett_ managed to get drunk off it.”

“You may have a point. Perhaps I’ll just… leave this here,” Anders said, setting his cup down on the counter.

“Your brother seems to be enjoying himself,” said a deep voice just behind her.

“Fenris!” she said, in what came out much more like a squeak than she’d hoped. “Um, hi.”

“I decided another drink wasn’t a bad idea.”

“Ah. Tried the punch yet?” Marian asked.

“Yes,” Fenris said, dragging the word out slowly. “I don’t think I’m quite drunk enough for that punch.”

“True that,” Anders said with a chuckle.

“Um… Marian?” Fenris said. He sounded… strangely apprehensive, and it set a nervous flutter going in her stomach that was definitely less than pleasant.

“Yeah?”

“I, uh... I’m not sure how to say this, but your brother appears to have a can of silly string, and—”

“NOT EMMA’S HAIR!”

Alyx’s shout carried easily across the space, but it was too late. Garrett had already sprayed silly string in a wide arc that landed all over Emma’s elegant updo and draped over the poufed shoulders of her Cinderella gown.

He then turned to spray long jets of silly string all over the crowd around him, and then, naturally, over Marian (and by extension, Fenris).

“Uh oh,” Alyx said, sidling over to stand next to them.

“Let me guess,” Fenris said, picking a bit of silly string off his shoulder. “Emma is particular about her hair?”

“Ha, that’s not the half of it. Emma… Emma is protective of her hair like a fucking mother bear looking after its cubs.”

“Oh, fuck,” Marian squeaked.

“Yeah, that pretty much covers it,” Alyx said.

Marian looked up again to see Emma whirling around, trying to find the culprit. Her blue eyes were like ice, her hands clenched into fists.

“ _Sebastian!”_ Alyx hissed loudly, catching his attention before gesturing at Emma. Sebastian winced and gave her a quick nod before heading in Emma’s direction as Marian grabbed her hapless brother’s hand and pulled him aside.

“Garrett, what the fuck?” she said, though she couldn’t quite keep from giggling.

“It’s silly string!”

“Yes, I can see that,” Marian said bemusedly.

“I found it outside,” he added with a grin.

“Of course you did.” Marian chuckled.

“WHOEVER DID THAT, I _WILL_ PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT!”

The shrieking voice—Emma’s, certainly—filled the whole apartment, causing everyone to freeze for just a second. Garrett’s eyes went as wide as saucers as he stared at Marian.

“ _Anders, take Garrett and run!”_ Alyx cried. Anders didn’t waste any time, quickly grabbing Garrett by the wrist and making a dash for the door. Sebastian kept Emma distracted, calming her and carefully plucking silly string from her hair, and the rest of them burst into laughter at the sight of Anders, sword and shield in hand, racing through the party with Garrett in tow in his pink dress, epaulets bouncing with every step.

“Oh man, that was a close call,” Alyx said, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes.

“I wasn’t quite certain my brother was going to make it out of that one,” Marian agreed.

“Why on earth did he have silly string?”

“Because he’s Garrett,” Marian said with a shrug. “The last time I saw him really properly drunk, he stood up on a table and did his best impression of Gandalf—’You shall not pass!’ And then he fell over.”

“I would have paid good money to have seen that,” Alyx said.

“You weren’t the one he fell on,” Marian countered, and Alyx giggled.

“Alright, well I’m gonna make sure Princess isn’t still feeling murderous,” Alyx said, and sauntered off.

“Well, that was… eventful,” Fenris said drily.

“That’s one word for it,” Marian said.

“You have, um…”

“Oh god, I’m still covered in silly string.” She’d completely forgotten it in all the chaos.

“Here, let me,” Fenris murmured softly, reaching up to peel the strands off her shoulders. His hands moved to her hair next, carefully plucking out all of the silly string. His face was inches from hers as he did so, and Marian could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She made the mistake of glancing down at his lips— _fuck._ She looked away, but she could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks, knew they’d be bright pink—

“There,” Fenris said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “All better.”

“Thanks,” she said breathlessly.

“Anytime,” Fenris said with a smile that was really, really unfair.

\---

“Want to see a neat trick?” Cullen asked with mischief in his voice, glancing over at Alyx on the dance floor.

“Sure,” Marian said.

“As long as it doesn’t involve any more silly string,” Fenris added.

“No silly string, on my honor,” Cullen said, and walked off towards the stereo with a grin. She watched him exchange a few words with Sebastian, and Sebastian grinned in return. A moment later, “Backstreet’s Back” started playing, and Cullen turned around and cocked an eyebrow at her. Ok, she was _definitely_ curious now.

“EMMA!” Alyx shouted, standing up very straight suddenly.

“Alyx!” Emma cried in response, shoving her way through the crowd.

The dark-haired girl who’d had her nose buried in a book earlier ran in from the kitchen, skidding to a stop.

“Iris!” Emma cried.

All three girls grinned simultaneously, and right on cue they all broke into dance—holy _shit,_ they knew _all_ of the dance moves. Marian wouldn’t have even remembered the first steps of the dance, but seeing it she was quite certain it was the exact choreography from the music video. She stared in awe as they danced, more and more people stepping back to watch.

Alyx winked at them as she danced, effortlessly stepping through all of the moves that were vaguely familiar now that Marian saw them. “Come on, Marian!” Alyx cried, beckoning for her to join them.

Marian shook her head, stepping back and glancing over at Cullen with amusement in her eyes. “That’s a pretty great trick you have there,” she said.

“It is indeed,” Fenris added.

Cullen chuckled, giving Alyx a fond look. “It’s definitely something.”

Eventually the song ended, and Alyx ran over, a broad grin still on her face.

“Did you have something to do with that?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at Cullen.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Cullen stated flatly, though the corner of his mouth quirked up slightly.

“I’m onto you, Rutherford,” Alyx said, throwing her arms around his neck.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Cullen said. Then he was kissing her, and Marian turned away to offer them some small measure of privacy.

To her other side, though, Marian and Isabela were dancing together, both grinning. Merrill’s cheeks were flushed adorably. Not too far from them, Sebastian was leaning down to kiss Emma on the cheek, his legs getting swallowed by the many billowing layers of her gown. Zevran and Lyna were nowhere to be seen, but their absence was probably more telling than anything. Marian chewed awkwardly on her lower lip, suddenly _acutely_ aware of the feet of very intentional space separating her and Fenris.

“I’m gonna go get some air,” she blurted, and wove quickly through the crowd towards the small balcony before Fenris could follow.

Once she had slipped outside and shut the door on the din of the party, she took a deep breath. The cool air felt wonderful on her suddenly too-hot skin, and she leaned on the railing, shutting her eyes and breathing slowly.

_Just friends._

What had she been thinking?

The soft _snick_ of the doorknob turning snapped Marian out of her train of thoughts as someone else joined her outside.

“Do you mind?”

_Fenris_. Of course he would follow her, after that terribly awkward exit.

“Of course not,” she said, clearing her throat slightly.

Despite her words, he hovered uncertainly behind her. She was about to say something, _anything_ just to break the thick silence that hung between them, when—

“Have I mentioned you look beautiful tonight?”

She looked over her shoulder to see Fenris looking at her with a warm smile tempered only slightly by doubt. A traitorous thrill ran through her chest at his words, at the way he was looking at her.

“Thanks,” she said breathlessly. He finally stepped forward to lean on the rail next to her, close enough that his arm brushed hers. As usual, she was hyperaware of his presence, of the warmth of him where they were touching. Her breath hitched just slightly, and she tried to resist the urge to lean into him.

_Just friends_.

But when she glanced up at him again he was giving her _that look_ and it was really making her doubt everything.

“Fenris—”

“Hawke—”

She giggled nervously. “Go ahead.”

He took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. “Marian, that night at the beach…” he started, trailing off slightly as he searched for words.

“Hey, it’s alright,” she said. “We talked about this. I forgive you.”

“It’s not that,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m still grateful for your forgiveness, but that’s not why I brought it up. Marian… I was a _fool_. I… haven’t had the best experiences with relationships in the past. I got scared, and I ran. I was a _coward._ I should have stayed.”

Marian’s heart was trying to beat its way out of her chest, and she struggled to keep her face even as she looked at him. “What are you saying, Fenris?”

“I’m saying I would give anything to be able to erase the pain I caused you. To be given another chance. That night... It was amazing. I… would like for it to happen again, I just...”

“It was too fast,” Marian said, understanding dawning. Then, slowly, she reached out and took his hand, intertwining her fingers with his. He met her gaze, and she couldn’t keep the grin off her face at the unbridled hope in his eyes. She could feel it too, joy and hope and all sorts of oddly-shaped butterflies fluttering around in her chest. “Fenris, we can go as slowly as you need.”

“What do you say this time we do things properly?” he said, smiling shyly at her. “Marian Hawke, would you allow me to take you on a date?”

“Yes,” she said at once, giving him what was sure to be a blinding grin. “I’d love to.”

He smiled back at her, looking down to hide the slight blush that had crept across his cheeks. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, which he returned. She allowed herself to lean towards him now, resting her head on his shoulder. They stood like that in comfortable silence for a while, and Marian wasn’t sure she could ever remember being so happy.

“We’re missing the party,” Fenris observed.

“I don’t mind,” Marian said, smiling at him. He was quiet for a moment, apparently in thought.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked.

She had not been expecting _that_. She wasn’t about to say no, though, so she agreed at once and he led her back inside, never letting go of her hand.

He pulled her close as they made it back into the crowd of people inside; his hands found her hips, and she wound hers around his neck as they moved together to the fast beat. Fenris, it turned out, was a fantastic dancer. She supposed she should not have been as surprised as she was, given how graceful his movements tended to be.

The song drew to a close, and a slow one started up. Marian strongly suspected their friends were conspiring again, but didn’t bother glancing to check as Fenris didn’t even hesitate to pull her closer, slowly turning with the music. She leaned into him, her chest going all fluttery again as she registered their closeness, the _heat_ of him where their bodies were pressed together.

“Marian?” Fenris murmured, leaning his forehead against hers.

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you?”

She nodded slowly and Fenris leaned forward, closing the distance between them. She could swear her heart was trying to beat out of her chest in that final second before their lips met.

It sounded like every cliche in the fucking book, but kissing him was like coming home. It felt so _right._ His hands slid up her back, holding her close as his lips moved gently against her own.

“PAY UP,” she heard someone yell in the background, but she just smiled against his lips and pulled him closer.

Eventually the song drew to a close. Marian was loath to move from their embrace, but then Thriller started playing. _Damn._ She lingered for another moment, but then she was seized by both arms—Merrill and Alyx, she thought—and dragged away.

“Come on, lovebirds!” Isabela said. Not Alyx, then. “You don’t get to skip Thriller.”

“I wasn’t going to!” Marian protested, wrenching her arms free. “I was just… enjoying the moment.”

“Oh, I’m sure you were. And now you’re dancing!” Isabela said.

“Where’s Alyx?” Marian asked. “I would expect her to be dancing.”

“I don’t know. Haven’t seen her since… Hm, not really sure when.”

The subject was quickly forgotten as they hit the chorus, and suddenly everyone was having too much fun dancing to worry about where Alyx had gone. Marian couldn’t help shooting grins at Fenris every few seconds, and it seemed that he couldn’t keep his eyes off her, either. As soon as the song ended, his hands were on her hips again, and he was pressing enthusiastic kisses against her neck.

“Fenris!” she cried.

“Yes, Hawke?”

“That tickles!”

Fenris chuckled, but relented his assault on her neck, leaning in to kiss her gently on the lips instead.

“Notice anything about that closet?” Isabela asked suddenly, looking at a door near them.

“Um… no?” Marian ventured. “Should I have?” Merrill, it seemed, _had_ noticed, as her eyes went slightly wide and then she giggled. “What’s up with the closet?”

“ _Listen._ ” Isabela said. “Either the brooms have all become sentient and are attempting to break the door down, or something _naughty_ is happening.” Ah. There was, now that she was paying attention, a distinct rhythmic sound emanating from the closet door. Isabela laughed. “Now she gets it!”

“Well, someone _really_ likes Thriller,” Fenris commented drily. Marian snorted.

“I bet it’s Zevran and Lyna,” Merrill said with a sage nod of her head.

“Always a safe wager,” Isabela agreed.

“What, that we are the most attractive couple in the room?” Zevran purred behind them. Marian looked over her shoulder to see him and Lyna, both a bit flushed but still impeccably dressed.

“Plot twist!” Marian said.

“I wonder who it is!” Merrill added.

“Ooh, sounds like they’ve finished. We’re about to find out,” Isabela said with a devilish grin.

Sure enough, the door opened a moment later, and out stepped Alyx, smirking and messy-haired, followed by a thoroughly debauched-looking Cullen. Isabela let out an exaggerated wolf whistle.

“AD VICTORIAM, PALADIN!”

They all looked over to see Emma offering Alyx and Cullen a playful salute before bursting into raucous laughter. Cullen blushed even redder but laughed good-naturedly. Alyx returned Emma’s salute with a grin before weaving her fingers through Cullen’s and leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Marian murmured to Fenris.

“As you wish,” he said with a gentle smile.

Marian’s heart did a backflip. _Unfair. Oh my god that voice is unfair!_ She blinked a couple of times, trying very hard to keep herself from gaping like a fish. Fenris just chuckled softly and took her hand, leading her through the crowd towards the door. Marian saw Isabela in her peripheral vision as they passed; there was a gleeful glint in her eye that didn’t bode well, but she was too happy to worry about what her friends were up to.

As they left Emma’s apartment building, though, she heard poorly-hushed voices above them, and then—

“HAVE FUN STORMING THE CASTLE!”

Marian looked up. Isabela, Merrill, Anders, Garrett, Zevran, Lyna, Emma, Sebastian, Iris, and Alyx were all crowded onto Emma’s tiny balcony, dissolving into hysterical laughter. Marian was certain she was blushing bright red as she glanced at Fenris; he was perhaps a bit pink, too, but he just pulled her close and kissed her again, ignoring the obnoxious wolf whistles from above.

\---

“Walk me to my room?” she said quietly, smiling up at him as they entered the dorm. He leaned in to kiss the side of her head, and turned into the staircase, still hand in hand with her. They walked slowly, neither of them truly wanting the night to end. All too soon they reached her door. Marian dawdled, delaying pulling out her keys in favor of taking both of his hands in hers.

“Are you sure you won’t come in?” she asked. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” he said, his voice low. “You know I do. But, Marian… I want to do this right this time. I… I don’t want to hurt you again. I don’t think I could bear it.”

“Hey,” she said softly, turning his face with a gentle hand on his cheek so that he would look at her. “You won’t. I trust you, Fenris. But we’ll go as slowly as you need.”

Fenris just gave her a soft smile, leaning in and resting his forehead against hers.

“Do I at least get a good night kiss?” she asked.

“As if I could resist,” Fenris murmured, leaning closer until their lips were a hair’s breadth apart. She moved first, or maybe he did, but it didn’t matter because then his lips were against hers, soft and warm and excruciatingly perfect. She abandoned her hold on his hands to throw her arms around his neck, and his hands came to rest on her hips, holding her just barely away from his body. He kissed her slowly, reverently, and it would be so easy to lose herself in it but she wanted _more_. She leaned into the kiss, melting into him and nipping gently at his lower lip. His hands tightened instantly on her hips, and she suddenly found herself pressed against the wall, his body flush against hers as he parted her lips hungrily with his tongue. He groaned into her mouth and the sound was _delicious,_ the vibrations sending tremors through her body as he pressed his advantage, one hand curving around her ass, a knee slipping between hers.

An awkward cough sounded behind them, and Fenris flew off her, arms flailing nervously until finally he thrust them behind his back, looking anywhere but at the person who’d interrupted them—Aveline, her RA.

“Aveline!” Marian squeaked. “I, um—”

“I really don’t need to hear it,” Aveline said with a raised eyebrow. “Just take it inside before any clothes come off, okay?”

“Yeah. No problem. Um, sorry,” she stammered, blushing beet red at just the brief mention of… _that._

“Good night,” Aveline said, already turning away.

Marian let out a low chuckle, stepping back towards Fenris and wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. His cheeks were still flushed, his lips red and kiss-swollen. He was _gorgeous,_ and holy mother of _fuck_ but she wanted him.

“You sure you don’t want to reconsider?” Marian asked, looking pointedly at her door.

She could feel the responding shiver that ran down Fenris’s body, his hands clutching greedily at her hips as his eyes fell shut.

“I should go,” he said, though he sounded very much like he wanted anything but.

“Okay,” she whispered. “Good night, Fenris.”

“Good night, Hawke.”

\---

Fenris 3:17 am

You mean the world to me, Hawke

 

Fenris 3:18 am

I know you’re probably asleep, but I can’t stop thinking of you and I just needed to tell you that

 

Fenris 3:18 am

Tonight was amazing

 

Marian 3:20 am

More than amazing. And you mean the world to me too, Fen

 

Fenris 3:21 am

Oops. Did I wake you?

 

Marian 3:21 am

Not really, I can’t sleep, keep replaying tonight in my head…

 

Fenris 3:25 am

So do I. If we manage to get up in the morning, do you want to get breakfast?

 

Marian 3:26 am

Call it brunch and I’m in

 

Fenris 3:26 am

Even better. 11:30 ok?

 

Marian 3:27 am

As long as you’ll buy me coffee :)

 

Fenris 3:28 am

As many coffees as you want

 

Marian 3:29 am

That’s a dangerous offer, Fenris! I am actually getting sleepy though, so I will see you tomorrow

 

Fenris 3:30 AM

Sweet dreams, Hawke


	15. Coffee and Confessions

Marian was mad at the cheerful music of her alarm for about five seconds--the amount of time it took for her to recall the events of last night. Fenris. Fenris confessing his feelings to her. Fenris asking her on a real date. _Fenris kissing her._ Oh fuck, Fenris kissing her.... Marian stared up at the ceiling with a big, stupid grin on her face.

And now--now she was going to get brunch with him. Like a real, proper couple. Well, not quite _now._ In thirty minutes, to be exact--which meant she needed to get out of bed!

As she pushed herself up to sitting, Marian was _acutely_ appreciative of the fact that she’d actually managed to exercise some moderation last night; she had little to no hangover to speak of. She was tired, sure, but it was nothing coffee couldn’t fix. And Fenris had promised her _as much coffee as she wanted,_ after all.

Grinning again, she stood and shucked off her pajamas, hopping awkwardly across the room to her closet half-dressed. If last night had been anything to judge by, it would be pretty cool this morning, so she pulled on some wool socks, comfy jeans, an oversized grey sweater, and her favorite knit hat. She slipped into her Chucks and looked at the clock: 11:10. She plopped down in her desk chair, spinning idly as she contemplated booting up her computer to kill time.

Just as she was reaching for the power button, her phone chimed. She jumped up and practically skipped across the room to check it.

 

Fenris 11:12 am

I’m up whenever you are :)

 

She giggled at the smiley face he’d included, and hurriedly typed her response.

 

Marian 11:12 am

I’m up too!

 

Fenris 11:13 am

Want to go ahead and leave then?

 

Marian 11:13 am

Sure! I want my coffee :P

 

Marian grabbed her purse and headed out the door. Her phone chimed again as she was rushing down the stairs.

 

Fenris 11:14 am

Just the coffee?

 

She rolled her eyes at the question as she rounded the bottom of the stairs and spotted Fenris standing in the lounge.

“Yes Fenris, the _only_ reason that I jumped out of bed the minute my alarm went off was that I was so excited at the prospect of _coffee_ that I could scarcely sleep last night for thinking of it.”

Fenris gave an irritated huff that was softened considerably by the smile on his face. He leaned in as she reached him, sliding a hand around her neck and pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

“Good morning,” she said breathlessly.

“Good morning, Hawke,” Fenris replied with a faint smirk.

“So… breakfast? Er, brunch. Whatever meal this is.”

“Of course,” Fenris said, offering her his arm. She giggled and slid her arm through his, and they headed outside. After a brief discussion, they started walking towards her favorite diner. It was in an old brick building, part of what used to be a factory. The ceilings were high and echoed with the sounds of cooking and conversation; it was a little bit chaotic, but she loved it.

The hostess led them to a booth and they slid in across from each other. Marian didn’t even bother looking at the menu--she got the same thing every time. When the waitress came around to take their order, Marian requested her usual blueberry pancakes (and coffee, of course), while Fenris ordered an omelette with a long and somewhat improbable list of ingredients that nonetheless sounded pretty tasty.

“Is it always so loud in here?” Fenris asked, glancing around.

“Yeah,” Marian replied with a giggle. “Don’t judge until you’ve tasted the food, though.”

Judging by the rate at which Fenris devoured his omelette when it arrived, she wasn’t wrong in telling him to hold off his judgment. They ate mostly in silence, too hungry to bother with conversation. Marian hummed happily as she ate her pancakes; they were as warm and fluffy as ever, full of ripe blueberries that made dark swirls in the pool of syrup she’d poured on the plate.

After they finished eating, they grabbed coffees from the cafe next door (they were college students after all--there was no such thing as too much coffee) and meandered slowly back towards campus, hand in hand. Marian couldn’t help shooting gentle smiles at Fenris every so often, but noticed he was starting to look more nervous than happy, despite how at ease he had seemed during breakfast.

“Hey, are you okay?” she asked quietly.

Fenris’s brows drew together and he stopped suddenly, taking a deep breath before he looked up at her.

“I… need to tell you why I transferred.”

“Okay,” Marian said, brow furrowed. “You can tell me anything, Fenris, you know that.”

Still holding her hand, Fenris led them off the walking path to sit down at the base of a big oak tree, looking across the main quad. They sat in silence for a few moments; Marian sensed that Fenris was looking for the right words, and waited.

Fenris let out another deep breath, looking down between his knees. “It’s… difficult. I’ve never spoken of this with anyone, not truly.”

Marian reached out and took his hand, slipping her fingers through his. He gave her a tiny smile in acknowledgement and took a sip of his coffee.

“I was a studio art major, before. Growing up in the foster system, drawing was always a constant for me. No matter how bad it was, I could almost always get my hands on a piece of paper and a pencil. So when I got to college, it was the only thing I could think of to study.”

He took another deep breath, his face drawn, brow furrowed as he chewed on his lip.

“Fenris,” Marian started, “if this is hard for you, you don’t have to--”

“I do. I need to tell you this. If I don’t do it now, it will be too easy to just… _not._ I’ll let it fester, and I can’t do that to you. I need to get it out.”

Marian nodded. “Alright.”

“My advisor was a professor named Danarius. He was… a bit of a legend. _Everyone_ wanted him as their advisor. He apparently looked at my portfolio when I applied, and liked something he saw there. He liked to tell me he was the only reason I got in. I don’t know if that’s true.”

“He sounds like a piece of work.”

Fenris let out a huff of humorless laughter. “He was… demanding. Exacting. But if you met his expectations, did things his way… it was like the red carpet was laid out for you. Gallery exhibitions, you name it. I was his favorite. His _little wolf,_ he called me; he liked the ferocity, the wildness of my paintings. I _revelled_ in it. I…” Fenris broke off, his face curling in a sneer. “I thought myself in love with him.”

“You said you’d had bad experiences with relationships before…” Marian said, trailing off in a question. Fenris nodded, a look of pure disgust on his face. She gave his hand a squeeze and watched him relax just a fraction.

“It was okay at first. I was so amazed that he’d actually think of me that way, I would do anything for him. I can’t even look at the art I made back then; all I can see is his vile influence. As I told you, he liked the boldness of my art. I wanted to please him. It was all harsh lines, ugly colors I told myself were some kind of commentary on the state of society. It was _violent,_ and he loved it. In my free time, though, I was working on a project for myself.” He lifted one arm, turning it in the air to display the winding tattoos that covered his skin.

“You designed them?”

“Yes. I wasn’t certain if I’d ever actually get it done. It was just… an idea. A dream of sorts. But then Danarius found the sketches. He couldn’t just let it be, of course. He didn’t like the idea of me creating on my own, outside of his influence I guess. So he came up with his grand plan.”

“Why do I have the feeling it was something really, really horrible?” Hawke asked.

“Because you’re an intelligent woman,” Fenris said. “It was to be a performance art piece, he decided. I would be tattooed in a gallery, on display. He claimed it was a statement on the popularity of tattooing. Masochism, voluntary torture, I don’t know. It was a load of bullshit. He was just a sadistic prick. He got off on the idea. Of course, I didn’t know any of this at the time. I thought it was an interesting idea, so I agreed. Didn’t think too much of it when he had me sign a waiver.”

Marian swallowed thickly, certain what was coming could not be good. She gave his hand another quick squeeze.

“I had no idea the extent of what Danarius had planned. He intended to do the whole design over the course of thirty-six hours. Breaks to eat so I wouldn’t pass out, and that was it. I was strapped to a fucking table in the middle of a sterile room. Naked except for a scrap of cloth to preserve my modesty. I couldn’t back out, though. Danarius held my entire future in the palm of his hand. I’d seen what happened to students who fell out of his favor. It wasn’t pretty. So… I let them. I let them strap me to that table.”

He paused to take another sip of coffee, and Marian sat in mute horror. She felt like she should say something, _anything,_ but she couldn’t even fathom…

“The pain was worse than I’d expected. Something about being unable to move, with all those people watching me… I started to panic. I knew I should be focusing on my breathing, but I couldn’t even seem to control that. So the pain just kept coming. The tattoo artist started in the center and worked out, so a lot of it was over my ribs. I started to wish I would just pass out, anything but that pain and sense of violation. I didn’t feel like a person. I was a fucking _thing,_ an object on display. Every time I would start to lose consciousness though, Danarius would tell the artist to stop, to keep me awake.”

“That’s horrible,” Marian whispered, barely able to form any other coherent thought. “So you were strapped there for… for _thirty-six hours?”_

“No. Luckily, Danarius didn’t get his way. The tattoo artist put his foot down after the second time I started to pass out. Said it was inhumane, unhealthy, a whole slew of other things. Didn’t seem to care that Danarius looked ready to rip his head off. So, the whole thing was called off. Gallery closed. Danarius couldn’t force the tattoo artist to keep going, as much as he wanted to.”

“Thank goodness,” Marian said. Fenris nodded slowly, lifting his coffee cup to his lips again.

“The guy’s name was Krem. He said he’d been iffy about taking the job anyway, but Danarius apparently offered him a small fortune to do it. He said he didn’t care if he never saw a cent of it; he wouldn’t continue doing something so obviously wrong.”

“Sounds like a good guy.”

“He is. I haven’t talked to him in a while, but last I checked he was becoming quite successful. He showed me some of his own designs; they were incredible,” Fenris said. It was such a relief to Marian to see the smile that crossed his face at the memory.

“Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it,” Fenris said. “I should have left right then. I should have run, and never looked back. I didn’t. I felt _guilty_ that I hadn’t gone through with the whole process. I thought myself weak. I _apologized_ to that sick bastard for failing him. He was furious. Screamed at me for having embarrassed him in front of all of his colleagues. And then… well.” Fenris stared down resolutely at his shoes, and Marian suddenly felt very violently sick.

“Fenris, he _didn’t_ ,” she said.

“After everything I’ve told you about him, is it really so hard to believe?”

“No. No, of course not. _Fuck,_ ” she said, and gripped Fenris’s hand so hard it probably hurt.

“I stayed for another month. I don’t even know what finally did it but one day I just… snapped. Realized I couldn’t stay a _second_ longer. I stood up in the middle of a fucking lecture,” Fenris said with a hint of laughter, “and just ran for it.”

“I’m going to hug you now. If that’s okay,” Marian said. She didn’t have words--there _were no_ words for what he had been through, but she could be here for him now.

“Always,” Fenris said, and she threw her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Thank you for trusting me with this. I… I can’t imagine how hard that must be to talk about.”

“I never have until now. But… I needed you to know. Needed to tell you.”

Marian nodded slowly, her cheek shifting against Fenris’s shirt. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, clutching her to him.

“So…” she said. “If you don’t mind me asking, when did you get the tattoos finished?”

“Not at all. I ended up spending half a year walking around with my chest only half-done, and one arm down to mid-bicep. I couldn’t stand the thought of revisiting the design. The sight of the tattoos on my body disgusted me at first. Slowly, though… something changed. I realized I needed to get them finished. They were my design, after all, not his. So I took them back. I returned to Krem, and he finished them for me--in numerous sessions over the course of several weeks. I added the dots then, too. They weren’t in the original design. I just… needed to change something. To remind myself that it was _my_ design. My body.”

“I’m glad you were able to do that. The design is beautiful.”

“Thanks,” Fenris said, ducking his head. Marian could just see the hint of a blush in his cheeks, and smiled to herself.

“That woman at Bianca’s. That first time. She was from your old school, wasn’t she?”

Fenris gave a dark laugh. “Worse than that. She was Danarius’s TA. She was… a nightmare. Almost worse than he was. He can’t come after me, or he risks losing his job. I have Krem to back up my side of the story, so I’m sure of that. Hadriana, on the other hand… She always has to have the last word.”

“Do we need to worry about her? Like, she wouldn’t come after you or anything, would she?”

“I doubt it. Her bark was worse than her bite. And anyways… I can handle her.”

“ _We_ can handle her. You’re not alone, Fenris.”

“I know,” he said, glancing up at her with a smile that was almost shy.

“Okay one more question and then I swear I’ll leave you alone. I know you lost a year when you transferred… but you’re twenty two, right? Did you start college late, or…”

Fenris shook his head. “No, I started right out of high school. But after… _what happened,_ I didn’t go back right away. When I said I ‘ran for it,’ I mean I well and truly ran away. Made it halfway across the country before I stopped. I ended up being taken in by this sort of… commune. I don’t know, it’s hard to describe. They took care of me, though. Convinced me that I could go back to school, reclaim my life.”

“That’s great. Is that when you learned kajukenbo, too?”

“I’m surprised you even remember that,” Fenris said with a laugh. “I only mentioned it once, at the beginning of the year. But yeah, how’d you know?”

“I didn’t. It just seemed like the kind of thing one might learn at a commune. I mean, it’s a little weird, right? Who even knows _kajukenbo?_ ”

“I do,” Fenris said.

“Other than you, I mean.”

“Point taken,” Fenris said, smiling as he took a sip of his coffee.

“Hey Fenris?”

“Yeah?”

“This probably isn’t the time to say this, after the kinda dark conversation we just had, but I… I’m really happy. I’m glad you’re in my life.”

“Me too, Marian. I think it all worked out in the end.” He was smiling at her, the kind of warm smile that felt like the sun itself beaming down on her. She beamed back at him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze as she sipped her coffee.

It did feel like it was all working out, Marian thought. It might not always be easy, but that smile was worth it. _He_ was worth it. The rest? Well, they could figure it out along the way. In that moment, the only thing that mattered to her was that they did it together.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT ENDING WAS SCHMOOPY AF BUT I DON'T CARE
> 
> Also this fic is almost over! I'm gonna have an epilogue but otherwise this is it! i thought there would be a few more chapters but then as I was writing this one it felt very... end-like. So I'm gonna go with my gut and end it rather than drag it out for no reason. It's been over a year you guys I can't believe it. I want to give a huge thanks to everyone who's stuck with me this long, and an extra big one to Quinn and Emma, without whom I probably never would have finished this thing. 
> 
> YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU :D


	16. Epilogue -- Morning After, Reprise II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for taking forever and a half to finally give this thing an epilogue, but here it is at last! I might come back and tweak it, but for now Figure It Out is, at long last, done. Thanks to everybody who has read and kudoed, you are the best! This is my first finished longfic, and I never would have made it without you guys :)

Isabela and Zevran’s place was decked out like Marian had never seen it before. Christmas lights were everywhere, not a single doorway was without mistletoe, and there was a big Christmas tree in the corner of the living room which was hung with an odd mix of some tasteful and some downright lewd ornaments. 

When asked about it, Isabela readily admitted that Emma had helped supply some of the decorations. ‘Some,’ apparently, meaning all of them except for the phallic ornaments. Those had Isabela written all over them. 

Zevran, meanwhile, had busied himself with the libations—fantastic mulled wine which filled the whole house with its warm, spicy aroma. Marian had her fingers wrapped around a mug of the wine, which sent steamy tendrils into the cold night air. Fenris was pressed against her side, an arm around her waist holding her close. The Christmas lights gave a soft atmosphere that was at odds with the strong bass of the music Isabela was blasting indoors. The din of the party flowed out into the evening air, but it felt softened, muffled somehow. Marian wondered if it was going to snow. 

“The first time we met was at a party here,” Fenris mused, his thumb slipping under her (particularly horrendous) Christmas sweater to rub gentle circles over the skin at her hip. 

“Figures the first time I meet the love of my life I would be blackout drunk,” she sighed. Beside her, Fenris went utterly still.

“Marian,” he choked out, his voice barely a whisper. 

“What? I was.”

“Not that,” Fenris said. “We’ve—Marian, you’ve only known me for four months. You can’t—”

“I don’t care,” she said, turning his face towards hers with a gentle touch over his cheek. She pressed her forehead against his, letting her eyes close. “Maybe I’m being young and stupid, but _I love you,_ Fenris. I love you so much it feels like I’m going to explode with it all sometimes. It doesn’t matter to me how long we’ve known each other. I know how I feel.”

Fenris brought both his hands to her face, brushing his thumbs almost reverently over her cold-flushed cheeks. He pulled her forward until their lips met, saying with touch all the things he had trouble expressing in words. 

“Oi, get a room, lovebirds!”

Anders was smirking at them, and Marian rolled her eyes.

“You can use mine, if you like!” Zevran offered, eyes twinkling.

“That won’t be necessary, Zev,” Marian said with a laugh. 

She turned back to Fenris, who was smiling at her, heedless of their friends’ teasing. She reached out and intertwined their fingers, giving his hand a squeeze. 

“What do you say, though, shall we take them up on their advice?” she asked shyly. 

Fenris’s eyes went wide. “Marian—”

“Merrill’s staying with Isabela. Come back to my room with me?”

His eyes shone with something akin to wonder as he slowly nodded, letting out a shaky breath. “Yeah,” he said, voice thick. “Please, Marian, yes.”

\---

Marian woke slowly the next morning. The sun shone in the window, casting the room with a warm glow. She felt completely ensconced in warmth, and when she went to stretch she remembered why—her head was settled comfortably in the dip of Fenris’s shoulder. She let out a soft laugh, remembering another morning a few months previously. 

This time, though—this time he was _hers._ This feeling, the safety she felt in his arms, was hers to keep. Her heart felt full to bursting. She reached up to run her fingers through his hair, scratching her nails along the shaved sides. 

His eyebrows drew together in an adorable frown as he slowly shifted into wakefulness. 

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she said with a chuckle. 

“Marian,” he said with a smile as he opened his eyes. God, he was gorgeous. His hair practically glowed in the soft light, and his eyes sparkled in the sunlight, almost impossibly green. 

“Good morning,” he said, and she leaned down to kiss him. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr! broodywolf.tumblr.com :)


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